It was supposed to be a normal Thursday. Wake up, go to classes, spend the night with my college friends.
Something wasn’t right though. There was a growing pit in my stomach. But I chose to ignore it, everything was going to be okay.
Or so I thought.
September 17, 2015 was the worst day of my life. Here’s my story.
He texted me the night before, and I thought everything was fine so I neglected to look deeper. Cause in the middle of the night, I lost my best friend.
You know when you meet that one person who you connect with in a crazy way. Someone that you can talk to about anything, someone where you can be your true self in front of. He was that for me, and honestly, he still is.
My best friend brought out the best in me, gave me advice on everything, and always knew how to pull me out of a funk. He’s not here physically to do it anymore, but I know in spirit, he is beside me saying “Keep your chin up, bubs.”
Suicide affects thousands of Americans per year, and most of the time, we don’t realize how large the statistic is until we are apart of it. I never thought this would happen to me.
September 17, 2015 changed me completely as a person. Sometimes I don’t know how to describe it. I just try to make I through every day with finding at least one reason to smile, even if the reason is miniscule. I just have to push through, if not for myself, for my best friend.
The wound is still fresh, the pain is still there, my heart still aches when I think about it. In reality, it’s been almost a year, but for me, there are nights where I wake up from a nightmare and relive it all over again.
I know it will get better, not today, not tomorrow, but eventually. I know one day, I will see him again. Sometimes it feels as though that one day can’t come soon enough. There are days where it seems as though my entire world is on fire, where nothing could possibly get worst, and then I realize that if I made it through the day I lost him, I can me it through almost anything.
Certain things remind me of him; the smell of a cologne, laughter, certain songs, chicken nuggets. It’s the smallest things that hit me the hardest. Memories come flooding back and most of the time, I have no idea how I am going to respond to it, sometimes it’s a smile, but most of the time, it has been a complete breakdown. But those are becoming less frequent.
My friends and family have been the biggest support system, through my good days and my bad days. I can’t thank them enough for always being there.
To those of you who are suffering from a loss from suicide: it will be okay. Seek support and help, talk about it. Don’t be afraid to have emotions, it is okay to be upset, it is okay to be hurt. Just make a promise to yourself that you know that your angel will be behind you as your life continues. You will make it through.
And to my best friend who’s an angel in the sky: I miss you more than anything and I love you so much. Thank you for filling my life with the best hugs, greatest smiles, and a love to last a lifetime.
