It was not until the end of my senior year of high school when I realized that a large majority of the friendships I had were toxic. These friendships either consisted of people who radically changed and therefore grew apart from me with time or others who contributed nothing to my personal well-being. During the summer before I left for college, I realized that it was time to discover who my real friends were.

During my senior year of high school, I gained a multitude of friends from all different types of groups. However, I never found myself actually 'committed' to one, specific friend group. I was free to surround myself with whomever I wanted, and I loved it. Every year, my friendships always seemed to be gradually growing and therefore changing from time to time. However, by senior year, I finally felt like I found "my group."

For the first time, I had a constant group of people that all hung out on a regular basis. In this moment, I thought I had found the friends that would last beyond my high school years; I finally had the "picture perfect" life of a high school senior, the crowning moment of my high school career.

Throughout that same year, I found myself making poor choices. It was the pressure of being a senior that influenced my decisions. "Seniors are at the top of the food chain", many remarked before my last first day of school. I walked into school that September thinking that everything had to be perfect: I needed the guy, the cool group, and the flawless Common App essay.

This is why I found myself giving second, third, and fourth chances to the people who continuously hurt me while exhibiting no signs of guilt or remorse. I walked through the hallways smiling and waving at every person because a voice inside me craved all the friendships I could get, regardless of their positive or negative effects.

I had a fear of losing people because I was so wrapped up in my own world of what I thought senior year should look like. However, never did I once imagine that in this process, my world would turn upside-down, and I would lose myself.

This harsh reality hit me during the final weeks leading up to graduation. The "picture-perfect" senior year that I thought I had quickly disappeared before my eyes. My friend group completely split in half.I watched my half get excluded by people who wanted to "make the group smaller". We were victims of girls who thought they were in control simply because they could kick us out of a group chat.Once their group was established, they cut off all connection to us, and there was simply nothing we could do about it. To be brash, it sucked.

In my final months before departing to college, I was forced to consider who my real friends were. So, I concluded my summer with goodbye letters to my closest friends, to the girls who I became proud to identify with. They were genuine, kind, and faithful. I realized this is all I needed in a group. I realized that the sappy, seemingly idyllic Instagram posts meant nothing without this feeling.

And this feeling continues to grow today. I sit here, writing from college hundreds of miles from home, and I finally know which friends will be there for me in the long run. These are the people I couldn't be more excited to see during my Thanksgiving break, the first people that I'll hug when I'm home again. They are the people who drive hundreds of miles to spend one weekend with you, who continue to be a part of your life. One friend like this is worth more than an oversized group that barely cares about one another.

And through everything I experienced senior year: the anxiety, college stress, regret--I realize that everything minus my few close friends is all I ever needed. Everything else that felt right in the moment--the boy, the group, the memories--is all in the past, has all been forgiven, and simply has been let go.