I graduated high school in 2013. It is now almost 2017 and in those (almost) four years it seems like at least half of my graduating class is either engaged, married, pregnant or has children already. I feel ostracized from my peers because I can’t relate to engagement parties, possible honeymoon destinations and baby showers. I can’t relate because I don’t want that for myself right now. For the majority of my college years, it has bothered me that what I want doesn’t align with what everyone else my age seems to want. It has taken me until my last year of schooling to realize that not wanting to start a family right now is okay.
A few weeks ago I was teaching my eighth graders (as is required for my major) and during lunch a teacher that I had never met before introduced herself to me. After we exchanged names she asked if I was married. I thought that was a rather strange question to ask considering I had just met her. After I told her no, she asked, “So you don’t have a significant other then?” Pause. I do have a significant other. I am in a long term relationship with every intention of getting married to the person I’m with. But we aren’t engaged because that is not what we need and want right now. Just because I am (almost) twenty-two doesn’t mean that I should be married! After I told her that I was in a relationship, her follow up question was, “So you think you’ll get married then?” WHY must I be defined by my relationship status? Why is that the first thing I am asked over and over again by various individuals? Why not ask me about teaching, which is what I am here for? Yes, I am a senior in college. Yes, I am about to graduate. Yes, I am about to get a big person job. No, I am not about to get married and no, I am not considering children at this moment.
Growing up, it seems as though everyone tells you to wait to be in a relationship, wait to get married, wait to have kids. Then no one waits and the people who do wait seem out of place somehow. Not getting married and having children right away is often attributed to “Can’t find anyone to get married to?” or “What’s wrong, can’t have children?” I am tired of this epidemic! I am not the sum of my relationship status. I am waiting to get married to establish my career, my home, and my relationship. There is nothing odd about that. I am not in any way against those who do choose marriage and children for themselves at a young age (Go you!) but that is simply not for me. I need to get my life together first.
