People throw around the term “self-love” like some sort of elusive goal that one is always on the cusp of achieving. You work hard and finally leap for it, your fingers catch hold, then just like that, you slip. It’s gone. It left catastrophically quicker than it took to find, leaving you crumbling in ruins of doubt, embarrassment, and shame. It’s possible to rest comfortably, feeling cloaked in self-love, but it takes practice and patience (something that is hard in and of itself). In the simplest sense, self-love is just “feeling good.” Self-love is an appreciation for oneself, an acceptance of weaknesses as strengths, a compassionate outlook on the search for meaning, and a desire to live a fulfilled life, void of regret. And we are supposed to achieve all of this, how?
I think it depends on the day, on a specific mood. It isn’t easy to determine if one day you will be utterly down, or if by Friday you will be skipping to class singing "Happy" by Pharrell Williams. There is joy found in loving oneself, although I wholeheartedly admit that I’m not even halfway there. There will be people in life, the ones who are already there, who will advise you to “just love yourself.” You’ll roll your eyes and think that it’s easier said than done. There’s no doubt about that, but there’s also no time like the present. Start loving yourself now, so you’re better prepared to love others more completely in the future.
There is no handbook for self-love. There is no cookie-cutter way to learn to live a fulfilled life. Your strategies will differ from mine, but there is no doubt it all begins within. Let go of the labels people stick on you, the boxes you step into, and the mistakes you allow to define you. Place more leverage on your strengths, your accomplishments, the little things that make you beautiful and choose to feel radiant because of those. Be fearlessly you, show people your true self and let them love you for those character traits. Find strength in what you consider a flaw and spin it to make the world as beautifully diverse as it is. (Strengths and weaknesses are engrained within you, so embrace them.) Know your worth and never forget the ways you radically touch people every single day. Even if someone is too shy to share the proof with you, you make a positive difference because of positive feelings regarding your self-worth. Give yourself permission to be different, flawed, and imperfect. Everybody needs a little wiggle room.
Each positive thought and action moves you one step closer to fully loving yourself. And maybe there’s no such thing as “fully loving yourself.” Maybe it’s just doing your best to give yourself internal hugs every day. The more you practice self-love, the more readily you will love others the way you are learning to love yourself. Look at others with the eyes you use to regard yourself. Look with eyes that see grace within each person you encounter. Search to highlight others’ accomplishments while casting away little flaws. Recognize that nothing is ever as it seems, and each person has a beautifully different story that you may one day be fortunate enough to know. Soon, after some practice, you will look at each person you encounter with eyes of compassion, interest, understanding, and even forgiveness. Once you love yourself fearlessly, loving others in the same manner will become second nature.
Every single person deserves to love himself or herself because every single person is worth loving.
