If you look up 'self-love' in a thesaurus, you will come across the words "narcissistic," "vainglory" and "conceit." Yet, you are not shown any positive connotations relating to this term. Why is that? Have we been trained to see self-love as vain and a negative connotation?
I have talked to many people my age who explain they have never fully accepted or found comfort in the bodies they were given. I too am a victim of this. I constantly look in mirrors and pick apart my facial features and the scars on my figure. My mind is never at peace until I have found a flaw to focus on for the rest of the day. Always second-guessing what I wear and wonder "is this skirt too short? Will people see too much of me?" or "is this sweater showing that I gained two pounds?"
I have heard comments about my own appearance. From "she needs a nose job," to "you look fuller than usual." These statements made me believe I have items I needed to "fix" because their opinions mean more than what
About two years ago, I was on a lake with three of my close friends and one of the boys in the group helped me get into an inner tube. I had just bought a new bright pink suit, thinking I looked pretty darn good. He looked at my body and said: "Ew, I can see your fat." I sat there shocked. I have never felt so embarrassed in my life. After we had all gone our separate ways, I locked myself in a bathroom and stared at my body with tears in my eyes. I vowed never to wear a bathing suit until I had lost weight, and I still haven't since this day. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to believe she is worth more than what that boy planted into her mind. Thoughts of disgust towards something so precious and beautiful.
How dare we let someone's view shape the way we feel about ourselves.
I envy people who feel secure about their hair not looking flawless or who have the strength to walk confidently in anything they put on their bodies.
How did you get there? Was it a long process or did you one day wake up and accept yourself fully? How did you learn to love the body you're in and not rip apart every aspect of it?
We all deserve this, we all deserve your mindset. It is beautiful to know you have achieved such a hard concept and I hope everyone can stand where you are someday.
I cannot count the number of times I have overheard friends or strangers talk negatively about themselves. Like their body means nothing. As though it doesn't help them survive, that their body is not the reason they can experience the world
Prior to winter break, I was determined to lose weight thinking this would help me find comfort in myself. After three weeks of no carbs, sugar, or dairy, I had dropped 12 lbs. After standing on the scale, I ran to my mirror and stared at areas I had started seeing progress in. But there was only one issue: I concentrated on parts of me that I had ignored before and not what I had worked so hard to improve. One flaw had vanished but another suddenly replaced the one I lost.
The realization that losing weight and changing my outer appearance was never going to increase me loving myself shocked me. I figured out I had to work harder than rejecting a cookie after dinner to conquer the state of mind I, and many others I know, are currently in.
Why is it so easy to find the beauty in other people, yet when we look for it in ourselves the search is everlasting? Why is it uncomfortable to compliment our own appearance? Why are these the lives we have become accustomed to?
I have a few words of encouragement for the people who are struggling on their journey to overcome such a negative yet powerful mindset:
You deserve to walk through life not feeling insecure about the image you were born with.
You deserve to have positive opinions of yourself.
You are NOT "narcissistic" or "vain" when complimenting your features.
And for goodness sake, you deserve the love you give others.
I hope we can one day walk around confidently and not have constant thoughts that break down parts of us. Parts that are unchangeable and out of our control.
Here's to us, the ones who still have a long journey toward loving ourselves fully.
