Since the semester has started I have been putting aside some time to reflect over my summer. This summer was by far the hardest summer I have ever had, which is saying a lot. Besides caring for my new dog and taking classes my weeks were filled with possibly one of the trickiest things, purposefully setting aside time for myself and intentionally taking care of myself. I would say in general I do a good job taking care of myself and making sure I set aside time to be still, but this summer it looked like scheduling it into my day, rather than just doing a face mask when I want a break from work.
I was seeing a therapist once a week, meditating multiple times a day, praying, spending lots of time reading the Bible and books on healing and self-compassion, journaling pages and pages at a time processing feelings and emotions. I even had to buy one of those punching bags that go on a desk (excellent workout and you might not think you are angry about anything, but once you start punching, whatever is on your mind deep deep inside, will make its way out). It was exhausting, every moment of it. I was always tired between all of the work I was doing and not sleeping well I just wanted to nap. Crying takes up a lot of energy. Articulating your feelings on a tangible piece of paper and getting those feelings out there is terrifying. Rereading journal entries to a professional is uncomfortable because vulnerability is not comfortable.
Even with all the work I put in over the summer, I'm not magically 100% again. But I do need to take a step back and write things like this article, reminding myself of all of the hard work I have put in and thank myself for making time to grow in this way. I could have easily neglected my feelings and shut down. I need to remember to be thankful for the urgency that I felt to put i the necessary work for my own health and wellbeing. And none of the work has stopped, it has now become a fun balancing act of fitting it all together in moderation with a full semester schedule, rehearsals, and other responsibilities. I also can't stress enough the importance of a support system that you trust, I have been able to rest knowing that my support system is there for me. They have just sat with me in silence while I have processed. They have gotten me out of bed to make sure I got to class. They have reminded me how much I am loved. And I love them with my entire heart and will always be grateful.
But I cannot tell you enough. It was worth it. I would do it over again if given the choice. So friend, please take care of yourself. Whatever that looks like to you. Let your best be good enough, because I promise it is. It is enough. Your feelings are valid and it is healing to feel them.
