Accepting Myself Is The Hardest Thing I'm Trying To Achieve

Body positivity. I'm all for it. People should be able to love themselves with how they are because we all know that everyone is different, from height to hobbies. I'm always supporting my friends when they need a little, or big, confidence boost. I want to be there for people for when they need to accept themselves, I think that everyone should.

But what about when it comes to me?

Nope. No. No way. I'm full of flaws and I'm not good enough yet…that's what my mind tells me on the daily. I'm not trying to start a pity party, but I want to share my struggles with accepting myself and for who I am, a quest that I haven't completed yet, probably for a long time too.

I used to be a carefree little girl way back when "Kim Possible" was still airing, years and years ago. I never cared that maybe a was a little chubbier than the other kids, all I wanted was to learn in school and have fun with sports. I was happy with life and with myself. Remember, that was a very long time ago…

Getting a little older, I became aware that, yeah, maybe I still had that belly. I wasn't thinning out like the other girls were.

That's when I think my issue started.

I had my first problem; I wasn't skinny like the other girls were, it's still an issue I have today, but that's not for today.

Time passed, I was doing well in school and had friends. And as we got older, we obviously got smarter. I remember I was always the first kid in class to raise their hand to answer the question, how could that kid become someone who never said a word in class? I guess I could never get over the idea that being wrong wasn't an issue, it's a lesson that everyone learns from so we don't make mistakes later. But as much as I tried to get over it, along with more self-consciousness, the little voice in my head would just tell me I was too stupid to answer.

I know that it's stupid to tell myself I was dumb just because I got an answer wrong, but the younger version of myself couldn't handle it. It was almost like the end of the world, the same happened when I would get a low grade once in a while, even when I was convinced that I knew what I was doing.

And that was only in school.

I played soccer my whole life, I eventually joined the bowling team at my high school too. And accepting that I made a mistake, or when something wasn't even my fault, I began to freak out like how I did in school. I thought I wasn't good enough in sports either, I know now that I was obviously wrong.

I shared a lot. Oops.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was, and sometimes still am, so focused on not making a mistake that I don't see myself for who I truly am. I'm a kind person with a big heart who actually does well in school in sports. I'm loving and have an open heart, someone who works their hardest to understand the material, an athlete who gives one hundred and ten percent.

I hope that me somewhat sharing my story helped some people know that they aren't the only people that issue with these sorts of things. I was surprised when I learned that I wasn't alone in this, thanks to a program we had at school. I wasn't the only person that had issues with confidence and accepting myself.

Having been dealing with this mental attitude for a long time has made the journey to self-acceptance hard. I still find myself saying negative things, I still find myself worrying about pointless things, and I especially still find myself needing a good cry occasionally.

Some people love themselves no matter what, and that's great, but for the rest of us who struggle with acceptance, it'll get easier. I know that it's difficult and it'll be frustrating, but it will be so worth it once those barriers of negativity are broken down. You'll find a beautiful person underneath who is ready to take on the world and all that comes with it.

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