2015 will be remembered (or not remembered) to be an interesting year, to say the least. As the year draws to a close, there are a few things we can reminisce about as we take sips out of our surprisingly bad-tasting champagne when the clock strikes 12 into 2016.
Remember: 2016 actually was 2015.
The 2016 Presidential election season started as early as ever, about 18 full months before the actual election. We absolutely will not forget all the shenanigans that occurred since the start of the endeavor we put ourselves through - Donald Trump with his racism and bigotry, Bernie Sanders with his democratic-socialism and messy hair, Ted Cruz with his Homer Simpson impersonations and his college roommate who actually thought he was a creep, Hillary and her damn emails and her Chipotle run that made national news. The memories of the first half of the campaign season are endless. I mean, the lies that Carly Fiorina and Ben Carson spill out of their mouths are always a sight to see. Martin O'Malley and Rand Paul are always sights never seen. Needless to say, I cannot wait to see what will happen in the actual year of 2016.
Forget: American Pharoah's triple crown.
The Kentucky Derby, The Preakness Stakes, and The Belmont Stakes. They're always quite the occasion for white people to dress up in Vineyard Vines and those weird British side-of-your-head hats that Kate Middleton wears all the time. But you got to hand it to Victor Espinoza and his mighty-fine thoroughbred for getting the crown that nobody ever remembers them getting until they make a feature film about it.
Remember: The Year of the Dixies.
The American Civil War clearly never ended. Or maybe it just had a short-lived revival in 2015, because the south surely tried to rise again, but failed. All of the proud southern rednecks who fly their Confederate flags in the back of their pick-ups were outraged more than ever this year for a couple of reasons. For starters, South Carolina removed the Confederate flag from the state house in Columbia. "How dare they?" says the Hick. Secondly, the Confederate monument on Stone Mountain in Georgia is going to be turned into a Martin Luther King, Jr. monument. "Damn you, Lincoln!", says the racist Hick. Thirdly, and I think most importantly, "Anonymous" leaked the names of everyone associated with the Ku Klux Klan. "Well, sh*t," says the under-the-table racist southern congressman. Oh, what a year 2015 was for the confederacy.
Forget: Cuban cigars are now legal.
Remember that time President Obama removed Cuba from the State-Sponsored Terrorism List? Neither do I, but it was groundbreaking. We haven't said hello to Cuba since JFK was in office, except for our visits to Guantanamo Bay of course. But hey, at least we can smoke our Cuban's legally now if we remember.
Remember: California's lack of H2O.
When it comes to hydrating, California has no idea what to do anymore. California has virtually run out of its water, and what seems to be the only thing that helps us remember that is the water jokes you see online of people pouring out perfectly good bottles of water and mocking California's inability to do the same. Oh, and also the fact that celebrities and the wealthy are being "lawn shamed" for having watered green lawns and taking long showers. But some good has come out of it - like Governor Jerry Brown mandating the state to reduce its water use by 25% back in January (that is if you think that's a good thing).
Forget: Anything related to guns.
Unfortunately, the country is so divided on the issue of gun control that it is an easily forgotten issue, and 2016 will be no exception to that. The mass shootings in Charleston's church, Colorado Springs' Planned Parenthood branch, or the cities of New Orleans and San Bernardino will be forgotten by this time next year; though you may have already forgotten about New Orleans. The killings of Walter Scott and Freddie Gray might not be forgotten recently, especially in the areas where it happened. But let's be honest, do we talk about Trayvon Martin that often anymore? The NRA will probably be okay with the fading memory of 2015 in guns.
Remember: Calling people on their cell phone (to talk about Drake).
Hotline Bling became cemented into history very quickly after its release in July. The horrible dancing you do at weddings and awkward middle school dances became something to be proud of after you realized even Drake can dance as bad as you. So when you see someone dance horribly, just think "what would Drake do?" and join the party!
Some short honorable mentions:
- Kim Davis and Rachel Dolezal restored everyone's lack-of-faith in humanity (pun probably intended)
- California outlaws revenge porn, so don't worry about your crazy ex from that time you went to California for a year posting that video you took that one time. You'll still get hired at your dream job.
