If I sought out all of the validation I feel that I need verbally, I imagine I'd end up with friends and family more annoyed than anything else. That is if I asked for reassurance every single time I found myself beginning to waver without it.
There's something really ironic about the fact that we all know that, no matter how highly regarded, each person we encounter (sometimes) silently looks for some form of validation and sighs in relief upon receiving it.
We don't tend to always look for it in the same ways, but one commonality is that very rarely does anyone ever pursue it in just one place. I mean, two different seals of approval feel so much more secure than two big thumbs up from a mother who loves you unconditionally, right? We want to know that through objective, unfiltered lenses that it looks like we're putting forth our very best, whether that be in our work or even just an experimental aspect of our appearance to which no one else will probably give as much notice. When was the last time we just consulted ourselves for this answer?
Over years of pestering my ridiculously tolerant loved ones, I've picked up on ways to come to satisfying, validating conclusions that don't require overtly receiving a second opinion. Maybe it's just out of habit, because I know the things that I'm insecure about, I know what others often say to assure me of the opposite, and I affirm myself of them.
Affirmations are nothing new, of course, but I don't think we truly grasp the extent of their substitution for otherwise pointless habits we perpetuate. It doesn't matter if other people enable us by verbally giving us validation regarding things we already know are true, it's coming to the point of full convincing ourselves of the latter.
For example, no matter how many times someone deems my work "good enough" (whatever that means), I will never be content with what I produce until there is some sort of proof. A passing grade, a "congratulations," even just a simple like. At this point in my young life and career, this validation is always outwardly–I don't think I've ever taken the time or perspective to ask if what I've created sparks some sort of gratification for me all on its own, untouched by the critique of the outside world.
Don't confuse my seeking validation with the reasons I exist that way I do. If anything, it's deviating from what's seen as conventionalism that makes me double-check without changing mind on my own individualism. There's a human need in all of us to satisfy a higher standard; this looks different for everyone, sometimes being spiritual and sometimes gravitating towards appeasing society, though they certainly aren't mutually exclusive.
No matter what we abide by, we should be prioritizing our values above all else in order to gauge authentic self-worth we can only conjure from within.
