The truth is that there are going to be seasons in your life that are going to be really hard to handle. After you make it through these seasons, you may find yourself feeling vulnerable and if you are anything like me, vulnerability isn’t an area that you like to get caught in. After coming out of one of these seasons, I have decided that the best thing to do is to just be honest with yourself and with anyone who is trying to be a part of your life. That being said, I SUCK at expressing my thoughts out loud and on the spot. So, in order to help anyone out who is having a hard time letting people know what they do or do not need in their life right now, I wrote this poem.
To Whom It May Concern:
Before you decide that you want to be a part of my life, there are some things you need to understand.
I.
I exercise extreme caution in everything I do now. All that means is that I try to blend in with my surroundings. Do my best to not draw attention to myself and avoid confrontation at all costs. If you manage to see past my cloak of invisibility, you will be labeled as a safety hazard. My brain will recognize you as a threat, so every time you approach me, know that I am trying my best to not run in the opposite direction.
II.
I am in the process of facing the aftermath of a reoccurring hurricane that, for years, could be found on any given day tugging on the legs of my pants like a toddler who is in constant need of my attention. So, if you see me being crushed by the weight of it all, do not be afraid to ask if I need help. On days when I can’t seem to remember which name is my own, do not be afraid to remind me of it until I no longer call myself worthless. When I am reminded of the shame that tells me it is my fault that I feel this way, remind me that it was not. Every day that you spend with me, remind me that I no longer need to hide behind a mask to survive.
III.
I’m no evolutionist, but I have seen Darwin’s theory turn fact overtime with my own eyes. Watched man turn beast in the face of his own insecurities. I do not claim to know everything, but I did learn how to be strong in my silence. Do not mistake this as a kindness. This is me protecting what little heart I have left from being ripped out of my chest. No, I may not know everything, but I do understand the damage that can come from repeating this history. But let’s face it, we are all just bits of history that keep coming back, trying to get it right the second time around anyway. If you come into my life, tell me that I have a purpose. Tell me my life is worth more than the limits that were embedded into my mind. I’ve wasted too many days not knowing how long I would be allowed to continue breathing or praying that breathing would get easier, so I will not stand here and share my oxygen with someone who will end up taking all of it when they walk away. Look, all I’m trying to say is that life can be a long hallway with many doors. It is a miracle in itself that I allowed this door of trust to ever be unlocked again. So here is your chance. Walk through or walk away, but do not stand dormant in the threshold.
