To say I had a clue about who this dance company/group was or what they do is a large understatement. I had no clue, and I had absolutely no idea who they were or anything of the sort. But one choice I made changed everything.
I saw a poster that caught my eye immediately of four men towards the middle of September; they were embracing each other. It was a simple photo, but a beautiful one. I had no judgement, but I didn’t bother to look further at what it was or what the subject matter was about. Honestly, I didn’t even read to realize it was dance group performing a large piece. I didn’t bother and more importantly, I didn’t care…
Credit to Photographer: Lydia Daniller
A week before the show, my contemporary dance instructor spoke about it. It was curious, because I felt like I heard of them or saw something about them. I didn’t realize it was a poster. My instructor had peeked my interest about it because it was originally supposed to be an assignment. I was to go to the show and experience live dance or I could have sat at home and watched YouTube links that would not be as interesting. I already knew I would prefer the live performance over a YouTube video any day.
As soon as I had the chance, I immediately went to the box office to get my ticket for the free performance with one of my best friends; however, I learned that my friend would not be seeing the show with me. But, I was still going to the show for the assignment’s sake.
On October 13th, I came to the show early, which was customary. I found my seat and remained there until showtime, skimming incredibly briefly over the program and the biographies of the dancers. Once the classic announcements were made, I found myself very confused; something tipped me off. The announcer said that we wanted to be courteous about the voices heard over the music because it was not a voice over. It was real recordings of real people that lived through the AIDS epidemic around the 1980’s and 1990’s.
How is a dance group going to fully express the AIDS epidemic through dance? A subject matter so serious could not be put to music, lyrics, or dance.
Oh, how very wrong my assumption was…
Credit Given to Original Owner
As soon as the lights went out, I was absolutely amazed at what these four male dancers could do. The flow, the depth, the absolute beauty and grace each dancer possessed. The lifts seemed so effortless. And the choreography? Flawless.
If I were to give a real review, I cannot summarize it with words. The style of dance was different in comparison to anything I have seen before. I am only in my first semester of dance courses and I cannot give a real dance review, but that won’t stop me.
To keep it as simple as possible, the beauty, sensitivity, tenderness… I could go on with many different adjectives to try and get my point across about how amazing these dancers were.
Credit Given to Original Owner
Background on the Show/LGBT History
The show was giving voice to the lost generation of the AIDS epidemic through interviews used as lyrics, an original score, and four dancers with passion about the subject. It was 65 minutes spread in 16 installments that traveled from the 1960’s when having sexual encounters with a person of the same sex was illegal to “The Great Rainbow Migration” where it became legal. Although it was legal, the LGBT community was not openly accepted. The LGBT community lived a double life almost, but it didn’t stop the fact that people were now able to have casual sex left and right. After came the 1980’s and the spread of HIV/AIDS slowly effected the world. People died left and right, and you wouldn’t know if you would ever see a person again after sleeping with them. You would learn if you were effected soon enough. People just disappeared and no one understood why.
Jump to the present day, and the LGBT community has taken many steps to get where they are today. One of the biggest accomplishments recently is the passing of marriage laws. Although the churches may not be accepting, most states have ruled to allow marriage licences to gay/lesbian couples. Some communities are also very welcoming of these changes as well. Some are not, but things are changing all for the better.
Sean Dorsey
Sean Dorsey is acknowledged as the United States’ first transgender modern dance choreographer. Not only is he a choreographer but also participates as a dancer and is a writer. He is especially known for his dance-theatre style. The Missing Generation will be touring from 2015-2017 in numerous cities. Sean Dorsey had taken two years to put this piece of art together and it included: recording 25 oral interviews in 6 cities in the United States, listening through all of the interviews (in total was 75 hours), and spent 350 hours writing and editing a score with the interviews as well as his own narration. He also worked with 4 different composers to create original music, 500 hours writing, editing, and drafting the original score, and working 100 hours in the sound studio to record the final soundtrack. The entire process listed above took a year. The other year was spent working with his dancers and the composers. Paraphrased from Program.
Dorsey’s previous works include: The Secret History of Love (2012-2014) and Uncovered: The Diary Project (2010-2012). “He is also the founder and Artistic Director of Fresh Meat Productions. Fresh Meat Productions is the nation’s first organization to create, present, and tour year-round multidisciplinary transgender arts programs.” Quoted from Program.
Credit Given to Original Owner
The Aftermath
After the show ended, I felt as though part of my heart was ripped out and lifted to those that lived through these events. Through the narration and the dance these four performed, I felt what these people were feeling. It made my throat close up. I couldn’t do anything and I simply let the tears shed. It was absolutely amazing… I couldn’t keep it in anymore.
Once I had control over my emotions and most of the audience left, Sean and the other dancers were able to take questions about the process, any issues they have had within their own lives, or simple questions….
I was one of the final questions they took. Most people had questions about the process that Sean Dorsey had to take in order to make this project a reality, and stuff like that. So I asked this:
“What is your background with dance?”
I felt so stupid asking. I did understand the subject matter, and yes, I cared about it; however, I enjoy learning about the person themselves and the experiences they’ve had throughout their lives.
A dancer, AJ, his answer related to me the most. AJ began classically training at age 19 while in college. I started dancing very late in my life at age 21. As I stated earlier, it is my first semester really taking dance technique classes. I am currently taking: Ballet I, Contemporary Techniques I, Solo Composition, and Improvisation. I was a transfer student to UW-Whitewater from UW-Rock County in Janesville. While at UW-Rock County, I joined the dance team there that was basically like a Poms squad in high school. It did not offer any form of experience for me, but it allowed me to explore dance a bit further. I found out that I absolutely loved it far more than I ever expected to. I didn’t want my experiences with dance to stop there.
When I transferred to Whitewater in the Spring of 2015, I did not know I wanted to minor in dance at that point yet. While at Whitewater, I still worked with the Dance Team at UW-Rock County. Spring 2015, the only dance exposure I had was from the UW-Whitewater Dance Company—Dance Co. It was a workshop based extracurricular activity where board members taught their own choreography from 7PM to 8PM on Wednesdays.
This semester, I have figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Part of it revolves around dance while the other revolves around writing.
I want to be a dance critic. Once I learn more with regards to dance as well as how to write an opinion better, my dance critic self will slowly come to the surface.
After the show, I immediately wanted to meet these dancers and learn more. I felt drawn to learn more about them, and because I felt as though I related to AJ most, I spoke with him for a few minutes regarding dance.
I simply stated to AJ that the show was amazing, and it brought me to tears. It made me wish I could do something that I love—like dance—and provide a message to it like they did. Those were my comments to him, not to mention how I felt about dance, but also how I felt about being my size and being a dancer.
I am a little over 250 pounds; I will say it is hard to consider yourself a dancer at that size. You don’t feel comfortable in your size as it is, but when you are in a field where the picturesque dancer is a size zero on pointe makes you feel even worse about yourself. Just talking to AJ made me feel comfortable. Even after my comment size, he proceeded to simply say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I rolled my eyes, giving him a look, but he mirrored me and did the same thing. I then asked him about the workshop announcement as well as about the dance workshop that they would be hosting.
Workshop One
Workshop one was not specific to dancers or anything of the sort. Anyone was invited, but they were mainly gearing towards people on the UW-Whitewater campus of the LGBT community. I wanted to learn more about these guys and perhaps learn something about myself, but I didn’t know what would happen.
I was so glad that I was there. For the first time in a very long time, I felt comfortable, and I felt accepted among a group of strangers. More importantly, I felt comfortable with myself among the people in the workshop.
We started with simple introductions, pronouns we prefer, and our relationships we have with dance. At that point, I was simply celebrating my little victory of touching my toes. Baby steps.
Moving on, we started simply, gathering in what Sean called “The San Francisco Circle”. Lying on our backs, we all closed our eyes as Sean spoke [not word for word]. “I want you to take a minute to reenter the room. To leave everything behind and focus coming into the room. Concentrate on your breathing getting deeper and deeper….I want you to give yourself some props for coming here today, for having the courage to come here, but to also be who you are. Now, place your right hand on top of your heart area and give it some love for beating, keeping yourself alive, to help the breaths you take and appreciate your heart for doing amazing things. Press down one more time to lock it in and gently let that hand relax.” It was different than I originally expected. I expected a regular warm-up; definitely not something as provoking as this. “Now, place your left hand around your belly area and give it some love. I always do this because many people tend to be unhappy with the belly and most wish it looked different. Sometimes we get horrible messages from our brains about our bellies, but that doesn’t matter. The belly does many wonderful things so please always take the time to thank and appreciate the belly. For helping us digest, protect us, help us laugh…” I got a bit emotional. How can I appreciate my stomach and its qualities when it is perhaps the worst attribute I have?
How can I do this without losing control over my emotions?
How?
I took a deep breath, applying pressure, sealing in the positive thoughts and pushing out any negative ones. Now was not the time for them to creep into my mind.
As cheesy as it sounds, I felt something inside me relax. All of my thoughts about myself were positive and anything else was gone. All that mattered was that I was here, in this room, with other people who may perhaps be going through the same thought process as me.
That deep breath I took was released and finally, I was ready.
We then began to start on simple warm-ups: crunches, planks, etc. We then moved across the floor with some of their real choreography. Learning a real live dance group’s choreography (movements that they use on stage while touring around the country)? To say I was excited is an understatement.
It really wasn’t my style, but I did catch on quickly. I do not consider myself a dancer in the slightest yet, but I can learn choreography very quickly..
For many of the participants, it was their first time dancing. For me, I was concentrating more on the technical aspect.
Slowly, we continued adding onto the motif (small part of choreography), piece by piece. By the time the choreography was over, there were techies waiting to rip apart the stage. We continued to leave them wait and ran the choreography time and time again.
Finally, we came back to the “San Francisco Circle” as a closing exercise and final reminder to always be happy with ourselves despite anything we believe to be imperfect about ourselves, to always give love to our heart and our belly despite anything and everything we have been through.
I finally got more time to talk to Sean and the other dancers towards the end. I was one of the participants that had a more developed relationship with dance than others, so I asked about simple techniques regarding stretching… could I have been any more lame?
Nonetheless, it was an amazing experience.
Photo Credit to Sean Dorsey Dance Facebook Page and Original Owner
Photo Credit to Original Owner
Workshop Two
Workshop two was a bit more intense., Sean started the same way as the first workshop with “The San Francisco Circle”. This time, I did cry.
If I was honest, I didn’t feel as comfortable at this one. Perhaps this was because I was among people I knew fairly well. To be in a room full of dancers and not consider yourself one is very hard.
Moving on, I learned quickly that I had a little more of an advantage than the dancers at this workshop. Some of the choreography that Sean would be showing to us was what I had already learned at the previous workshop.
Despite my slight advantage, some of the choreography changed. Once added, I did have a difficult time. It was hard, but soon enough, I was able to get the hang of it.
Sadly, the workshop ended too soon, and I said my goodbyes and my thank yous, not to mention a picture or two.
Photo Credit to Marie Fritz
Before my ballet class, a couple hours after the workshop, I took to Facebook. I couldn’t believe how Sean Dorsey Dance changed me, and for the better. I found a photo on Facebook of one of the workshops and immediately responded to it, giving thanks among other information. Sean responded later that evening and I couldn’t help but be emotional again. He has no idea what he has done for me. Below are screen shots of our small conversation.
It was simple, but it meant the world to me.
I even made it a point to add each of them on Facebook as well as like their Facebook page, too, in hopes to continue following their stories and touring.
But I don’t understand why even now I am still crying…. Why?
Part of it was because I felt as though I could not accept Sean's words. As humans, we do not want to face the fears we have. For me, not only is it admitting that someone may be right, but that someone may be right about myself and not even know me.
After some thoughts, I finally understood. I hold a deep respect, yes, but I cannot help but be jealous and envious. I am envious because what they did is something that I want to do now, but am not able to.
It also made me consider a major in dance… I began looking up schools within Wisconsin and around the country that allowed majors in dance, audition or no audition to get in the program. I am truly considering it; I have a passion for dance, and although I started later in life, who says I cannot do what I love if it makes me happy?
I may not be the best now, and I doubt I ever will be, but I feel as though a weight has truly been lifted. To admit to myself that I want to do something like this is a very large first step because I am terrified of judgment by not only my peers, but my family. I am not afraid of judgment from strangers anymore, and I know that is a very hard step for most, too.
I’ve said it quite a lot already, but I have to give lots of love and thanks to Sean Dorsey Dance. They have taught me, especially with regards to acceptance of the self. In order to be accepted by others, one must be able to accept the self first. 
It will definitely be something I will have to work on, but I think I'm getting the hang of it. I'm already growing comfortable, and I feel so blessed to be who I am. Truth be told, that is how I grew to be the person I am today. And I'm okay with that.
Note: Any picture that has not been given credit, please note it was not my intention. All Credit to Original Owners
