Poetry On Odyssey: Screw Feelings For Letting Me Hate and miss The Same Person

(Trigger Warning: This article contains sexual assault, depression, and suicidal experiences and profanity.)

Healing from assault isn't easy. Healing from a bad break-up isn't a walk in the park either. It's a journey full of screaming, crying, and lots of relatable music. So sometimes, to get better, you got to write some bad poetry. Here is my poem on how it feels to live without HIM.

SCREW Feelings

I thought I had it together

I thought it was easy

One or two days of crying and everything would be ...Fine

He's a dick

He cheated

He lied

I hadn't loved him for months, hadn't touched him in years

but…...

....why?

Why am I now breaking?

Why does it feel as if there is an emotional scar starting in my mind and ripping into my heart?

I am scared

So fucking scared

Of being alone

Of facing what he did to me

sorting through our stuff, the stuff we spent years building and

now I must take a hammer to everything and break it into what is his

and what is mine

screw him

screw the universe

screw the friends that say to move on

screw the family who says take time to heal

screw the people who say give him a second chance

screw me for hating him, but missing him and never loving him

None of the advice seems right

Nothing seems to be working

Am I healing?

What defines better?

I feel everything at once

All the anger at what he put me through

All the sadness at how broken I now am

All the relief that I'm free

All the fear as to whats next

And, yet I feel nothing at all

He assaulted me

He dated me

He said he loved me

Screw him

And screw these feelings