Scientists Say Racism Is Stupid
Start writing a post
Life Stages

Scientists Say Racism is Stupid Because "Really, All People Suck"

We're all the same, we all suck in very similar ways when you look at it.

169
Image Courtesy of Smapse Education.com

Geneva- A group of global experts at the International University in Geneva made a stunning announcement this weekend following a two-and-a-half-year long study. Researchers tasked with investigating the origins and causes of modern racial tension determined the study had been pointless and a total waste of money.

Head researcher, Professor Anika Meijer, blamed the group's failure to meet their mandate on the simplicity of the task and overthinking.

"It took us two and a half years," said Meijer, chairwomen of the anthropology department at the Netherlands' University of Groningen. "We finally came to the conclusion that the answer was really quite simple. The very notion of racism is stupid in itself. And not from a sappy 'we're all the same on the inside' stuff they give you in preschool. It's really when you consider how much all human beings honestly just inherently suck, that's when the issue seems to get redundant."

"You see, all humans are pretty much awful regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation," added Harvard University Professor Bernard Scherzer. "Babylonians? Jerks. Persians? Jerks. Greeks? Jerks. Romans? C'mon here."

An excerpt from the official published report went into greater detail, stating:

Decent, peaceful people are rare, very rare. From the Mongols to the Moguls, the Egyptians to the Ethiopians, the British, the French, the Russians, the Ottomans, the Germans and the Romans, the Americans and the Chinese, the Sioux who killed Custer and the Chippewa who killed Sioux, the Spanish and Portuguese who conquered New World conquerors, the Creeks and the Greeks, we just all genuinely suck as a species.

Despite the simplicity of the report's overall thesis, even the research team doesn't expect the new findings to "have much of an impact on anything, ever."

"Yeah, overall it was a pointless study," said Oxford University Professor of Military History, Edmund Sewell. "I mean it was a good time. I'd have to say I enjoyed the experience. Made some lifelong friends and memories and what not, yeah. I told that to the nice lady with the form we had to fill out. What's her name? Sharon. Yeah, Sharon. But yeah, big picture speaking it was a lot of bloody money for such an obvious answer."

Sewell was the primary author of the official report along with Professor Angela Sardinas of the University of Milan who added, "It seems to me like this is a really easy issue. We're all the same, we all suck in very similar ways when you look at it. Probably should have had this sorted out a long time ago, you know?"

Professor Meijer noted that the study will likely go nowhere as far as solving racial tensions is concerned. Her entire team is skeptical of the public's ability to adjust to the new normal they now face.

"National Geographic published a scientific study about the fiction of race a little while ago," Meijer said. "But so far that doesn't seem to have solved racism. No, not yet. I don't think anyone actually reads these reports, do they? Guess we'll find out."

When asked if she was discouraged with the apparent futility of her team's long effort, Meijer texted me, "Oh well."


This piece and its is a work of satire. Any similarities to real life people are entirely coincidental.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Haunted Houses For Halloween In New Jersey

The Top Scariest Haunted Houses In New Jersey

3162

Residing in New Jersey enables you to participate in various activities, and everyone has a favorite. In New Jersey, Halloween is also celebrated in a spooky way. There are many scariest haunted houses in NJ to celebrate Halloween. If you want to confront your greatest fears, Halloween Scariest haunted houses are ideal.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Leaving My Backpack In The Library

Views about society and the stranger sitting right across from me

46682
https://unsplash.com/photos/O0T1SIgHAfM

As a college student, my backpack is an extension of myself in many ways. It contains my notes, pens, and computer vital for my success in college. It contains the snacks and water bottle I need to survive long days on campus. It also contains the "in-case" items that help put my mind at rest if I forgot something from home: extra hair ties, masks, and that backup-backup snack. With so much in my backpack important to me and my life on campus, it is no wonder that I can get apprehensive about it when it is not with me or in my line of sight. And that makes me wonder.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cool Gadgets To Make Your Car Smart

Don't let this stop you from making your car smart. You can change the one you have using smart gadgets that transform your car into a smart car.

106017

Cars are no longer just a mode of transport, where you only worry about the engine and how beautiful its interior is. These days, everyone wants to make their cars smarter, those with advanced technology systems. It makes sense for several reasons. It can make your vehicle more efficient and safer when you need to drive.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Inevitable Truth of Loss

You're going to be okay.

127338

As we humans face loss and grief on a daily basis, it's challenging to see the good in all the change. Here's a better perspective on how we can deal with this inevitable feeling and why it could help us grow.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' Film Review

Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson lead a tigher, more fun sequel to 2018's 'Venom'

104456
Photo Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FmWuCgJmxo

When Sony announced that Venom would be getting a stand-alone movie, outside of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man films, and intended to start its own separate shared universe of films, the reactions were generally not that kind. Even if Tom Hardy was going to take on the role, why would you take Venom, so intrinsically connected to Spider-Man's comic book roots, and remove all of that for cheap action spectacle?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments