Today marks my last day at Ball State University. A safe haven where I've spent the past two years of my life. The place that I slowly made into my home away from home.
I came here very scared and immature. I was so stuck in high school and shattered that I was going to a place that I couldn’t bring my safety blankets to. In my eyes I was possibly losing all of my friends and never living at my home ever again.
Nobody tells you that these things really don’t happen. You keep in touch with those friends and you stay with your family the perfect amount of time.
College was the place where I lost and found myself. It was the place where I met people that make it so heartbreaking to leave. It's weird to me, looking back, that the people that I love so dearly now were walking around this Earth and I had no idea.
When I first started college, I remember calling my mom everyday with tears rolling down my cheeks, telling her how much I hated being away. I thought college wasn’t working for me, but now I look back and laugh. What a waste of time - a part of you forgets that you are meant to be in this place.
Growing up is strange. In high school I was a gullible and unconfident girl who defined my self-worth based on someone who could never love me back. My life was a series of bad habits that I couldn’t break. Coming to college helped me realize that maybe I was a person that could be loved and important.
Ball State taught me how to rely on myself and be independent. It sounds cliche - that's what every college is supposed to do, right? But it’s true - I feel like I was lost for so long in high school. I was in a "safe bubble," shielded by my parents, and had no idea how the real world was. Ball State was where I was forced to mature and finally grow up.
This place has had its arms wrapped around me for the past two years. I have walked through this beautiful campus at midnight surrounded by my best friends. I have sat in the library, worked on endless papers and laid in the grass of the Quad feeling nostalgic. I have experienced so much and I wish I could say that I really lived in more of those moments. I have held on to so much in my past. Looking at these memories, I had no idea that they would mean so much to me.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in everything you want and don’t have - when really, I had what I needed. I needed Ball State. It showed me what's out there. Ultimately, without this place I wouldn’t have had the strength to go after my dreams.
I will miss the girls that helped me to believe in myself - the ones who laughed at 3 a.m. with me or cried next to me in the dorms. I will miss the times I fought with my roommates over who is cleaning the dishes and the times we cuddled in our specific slots on the couch. These people made me into someone that, for the first time in my life, I like being. I don’t think they know how truly grateful I am to have had the privilege to miss them so much after leaving.
As I am about to leave for the summer, there are so many things that I wish I could tell everyone who has touched my life. I wish I could visit all of the places that have meaning cemented in my being. Simply, I just want to say thank you. I am truly experiencing the calm before the the storm. I get to sit here and look around at this place with so much inside of me, while surrounded by students just excited to get their last final over with so they can leave for the summer. They don’t know how much it breaks my heart to leave here - the place that shaped me. We overlook how much we are graced with each day.
Thank you Ball State for letting me see that I may have a chance at being a journalist and for giving me the people who I will forever keep in my life. Thank you for the nights of staying up and eating way too many breadsticks; the nights of crying over a boy who I didn't know meant that much to me. You taught me how to be a woman and how to chase my dreams. This is the place I will tell my children about when they ask me about what college is like.
College is a place that creeps up on you, and before you realize it even happened, you’re changed. You are paying bills, turning in projects, signing leases and maybe finding the love of your life. I feel so lucky to get the best of both worlds. I will forever have Ball State in my heart. Now I get to move on and experience all the dreams I have held onto for so long. I hope the next incoming class of freshman students see the magic of this weird limbo between childhood and adulthood.
As I sit here, I can say with utter certainty that, while I will forever have an ache in my soul for this place, I can’t wait to move on to the next adventure.
