20 Schmidt Quotes As Instagram Captions
Start writing a post
popular

20 Schmidt Quotes Most Likely To Turn Into His Instagram Captions

Definitely don't read this if you haven't watched all 7 seasons!

11323
20 Schmidt Quotes Most Likely To Turn Into His Instagram Captions

If you've watched "New Girl," it's extremely likely Schmidt quickly became your favorite character. Though he says some pretty ridiculous things, he's lovable and romantic, and funny. Throughout season 1-5, he says some pretty ridiculous things that are pretty douchebag jar worthy quotes. He retires the douchebag jar in season 5 when he steps on it as he kisses his bride at his wedding.

Nonetheless, the "douchey" things Schmidt says in the "New Girl Universe" are unbelievably funny as we're watching them on screen. Max Greenfield, who plays Schmidt, does have an Instagram but is definitely NOT the same person as Schmidt. Even though we love both the real Max Greenfield and Schmidt, it would be hilarious if Schmidt had an Instagram. What would he take pictures of and most of all what would his captions be (because everyone knows that a caption could make or break your post)?


1. "Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?"

Giphy

He says this in season 1 because he's proud of himself. This quote REALLY was douchebag worthy and should have made him $10 poorer. This would probably be a super clever caption for a birthday insta post, a promotion post, or even just how "lucky of a man he is" post because he got the girl, and wound up with an adorable daughter.

2. "I love mango chutney, uh, really any type of chutney"

Giphy

Schmidt says chutney a lot more than the average person does and he doesn't just say it like it's actually pronounced. No, he says it in his own unique Schmidt way like "chuht- uhh-nee". No one knows why he says it like this, and no one questions why after a couple of times. It just sounds so much funnier and I think I'm going to start saying it the way he does, satirically of course.

In his insta post, he'd probably be cooking something with chutney (chuht- uhh-nee if you want to over-pronounce like Schmidt), whatever you put chutney in.

3. "Merry ‘White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night’ "

Giphy

Since Schmidt is Jewish, he does not celebrate Christmas and hates it because that's when he knows Hannukah is over. He would probably post him and his friends, who all celebrate Christmas, he has something like a Hannukah sweater on, while everyone else has an ugly Christmas sweater on around a Christmas tree. Let's just hope no one will remember the time all of them screamed at the top of their lungs at a neighborhood filled with unlit, very, (very) decorated houses until they all turned them on for Jess.

4. "Sig oths"

Giphy

Shortened from "significant others", because he is on a "tight sched". This would probably be a caption when Cece and Schmidt become official with a caption like "we official sig oths, biotches" because Schmidt WOULD be the person to say biotches. Shortening words is a signature Schmidt move and we all kinda wanna do it because he make word shortening cool again.

5. "So scrummy!"

Giphy

A combination of scrumptious and yummy, he's seen eating a whole serving plate of sushi. I think anyone would describe sushi as scrummy though, lets be real here. He's obvs out to eat with Cece, eating sushi or something else worth the "scrummy" name. This caption is DEFINITELY worthy of $20 in the douchebag jar.

6. "I'm a squirrel. You're my nut"

Giphy

Let's be frank here and admit to ourselves that Schmecece (A name I just came up with that represents Cece and Schmidt's everlasting love) was meant to be from episode 1 and we all saw it coming when they got married and had a cute little daughter. This would be captioned under a picture of Ruth and/or Cece. (The rest of this quote is "Winter's coming, I'm going to store you in my cheek girl", and although this sounds a bit ridiculous and you would think it would be a quote that is Douchebag jar worthy, it's quite endearing coming from someone like Schmidt.

7. "So Nectar"

Giphy

Apparently it's 'a volleyball term" but we're pretty sure he made it up on the spot. It's not officially defined, but I think it means "sweet" meaning like "so cool". Another New Girl caption worthy to put under your post.

8. "Friday night, gentleman. It's on."

Giphy

A boy's night out post, but it's probably just at Nick's Bar and because they all have families, it's one of the few nights they are back to the old days, still in the loft and still young and eager enough to play True American.

9. "Hashtag Excitement"

Giphy

This could literally be captioned under ANYTHING! Like when Nick and Jess finally get married, or even the smallest of things like Ruth losing her first tooth

10. "This is when I was experimenting with faux hawks."

Giphy

the idea of faux hawks and Schmidt having one should just have him put money in the douchebag jar. Maybe even putting the picture of him with a faux hawk in there.

11. "Manhood today is about exfoliation, cheese courses, emotional honesty and Paxil."

If you can't hear him saying "ALL DAY", then I suggest you watch more New Girl

Giphy

A kind of "treat yourself" post because Schmidt is not afraid to show off how strong his masculinity is and to also have a bit of fun with self-care and face masks.

12. "Curly Sue! Lets do this."

Giphy

Like I said, Schmidt is a lowkey softy, and he's not afraid to show it. That means he ACTUALLY wants to watch the soft and sad movies with you, and he loves them just as much as you do.

13. "Judaism son!"

Giphy

This would probably be a picture of his daughter learning about Judaism, or Cece converting, or him breaking the glass at his wedding, uh which happened to be the DOUCHEBAG JAR. Judaism son!!

14. "If your annual moisturizer budget doesn't contain a comma then you're doing it wrong"

Giphy

This is definitely him buying his moisturizer or him doing his daily routine of moisturizer, and under the picture, there would definitely be everyone saying "Douchbag jar".

15. "We built this Schmidty on Tootsie Rolls"

Giphy

Another throwback picture of fat Schmidt and he would be eating Tootsie Rolls. Originally to the tune of "We Built this City" by Starship, instead of "We built this city on Rock and Roll" the "Rock and Roll" was replaced with "Tootsie Rolls". Yes it's a fat joke that was started in college, and yes he's now over that part in his life so he is over it.

16. "Bros ever before the ho"

Giphy

A picture of him, Nick, and Winston and Cece would definitely comment something regarding his caption like "You're sleeping on the couch tonight"

17. "Look at that. Look at your beauty. With your hair. I'd eat it out of a bowl."

Face it, Cece and Schmidt are forever! (Even if they're both fictional characters, it's fine)

Giphy

To make up for what he said in the caption before, he tries this line on Cece because he can't survive with himself if he actually makes Cece mad. And because Cece is a dime and also such a good mother.

18. "I just wanna come home, put on my 'mono and just hang lose, man"

Giphy

'Mono (noun)- A kimono, shortened name by Winston (this name shouldn't come as a shock to you) Schmidt, worn in Season 1, Episode 4 "Naked".

Yes 'mono is short for kimono and yes he has "a little bit of sunshine" between him and the chair. When you work 80 hours a week, you would understand too Winston.

19. "We made a caramel miracle"

Giphy

Maybe this isn't a douchebag worthy quote, but this is also one of the sweetest things he had said. Cece had a pregnancy scare and instead of being scared, or acting like a jerk, he steps up and says some pretty sweet things. See, I think for the things he said to Cece a lot of the times, because he had feelings for her from day 1, he should have taken money out of the douchebag jar because it kind of canceled it out in a way. Do you get what I'm saying?

20. "Medieval Filth Cauldron" 

Giphy

If you have never watched New Girl, or don't remember what Schmidt is referencing, let me remind you that he is talking about a bathtub. Yes, Schmidt hates baths and loves sharing his hatred with his friends about it. Since Schmidt is so against bathtubs, you would think he would forbid anyone from bathing, but for his daughter Ruth, it's cute because she makes a bubble beard and plays with her bath toys. That's what his post would be and it's the only exception for baths.

From Your Site Articles
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

58503
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

37699
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

959294
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

193992
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments