There are so many steps that come in relationships. One of the biggest is moving in with your S.O. There is so much pressure when moving in together. We all know where the path should go next. I'm terrified of it. I'm scared because I saw how terribly wrong it can go.
Growing up, it was just my mom, my brother, and me. When I was around 10 or 11 my mom got a boyfriend. It wasn't long before they moved in together and we felt like a family. But it also didn't take long for things to go wrong.
To me, moving in is going to be the nail in the coffin. It's going to be where our relationship goes wrong.
My mom had horrible relationships and they exploded when they moved in together. Usually, they moved in at my mom's insistence. They were all idiots who didn't have money or a home. They all were unhealthy relationships.
That's what I keep in mind.
I have to or my mom's failed relationships will haunt me and hold me back.
With my boyfriend now, I would be so happy to come home to him because he is my home. He isn't those losers my mom hooked up with.
He isn't my stupid ex-boyfriend, who took advantage.
He is a kind, often silly, the man who I know would do anything to make me happy.
I'm terrified to move in with him, it's true.
But I'm also excited and ready to take the next step with my person.
I know we will be happy and I know it won't be like my mom's relationships of failure and rage.
We'll be a family, full of love.
We will be snuggled up on the couch with the dogs laying near or on us, arguing over what stupid show to watch next.
I'll win because he always watches what I want (though I do try the weird boy shit he likes) and we will fall asleep there, in our nest.
My past does hold me back from things but it won't hold me back from him because he's the thing I'm always running towards.
My future with him.
My home with him.
My love of him.
All of it will keep me moving forward away from my mom's mistakes and away from my own.
My past will not cost me my future.