I had a horrific dream five days ago. It was the most terrifying dream I have ever had in my life. It was about death, something we all do not like to talk about. Trust me, I hate just even writing about it but it was a way to express my emotions.
If I can recall clearly in my dream, I believe I was dying from a health issue. When I "Died," I felt my breathe stop for two seconds and I woke up shaking. It was again, horrific. Everyday since that dream, I have been living in constant fear of it and getting older has been freaking me out. I feel like I need to be careful with every decision that I make now since YOLO.
I question everything. I feel like I am wasting my life away. The thought of being old and wondering each day when I am going to pass scares me more. People tell me, "You're young, do not worry about it." But is does not help.
I am watching Grey's Anatomy while writing this watching an elderly woman die of cancer (probably making my situation worse). One minute she was talking, now she just died. I never used to question death when I was younger, and even in college. No one did I believe. Now that I entered the adult world, I feel like my life is going by so quick and will end shortly. I know that is not realistic, but people die everyday from different things and at different ages.
I was on top of the world in social aspects of life and in school. I never gave it a thought. Now, it consumes me at the moment. I have become extremely nostalgic.
So what is there to do? Absolutely nothing. There is nothing you can do about it. I guess I have to do what everyone says and live life to fullest. You can not control what comes. I just wish the anxiety and thoughts of it would go away so I can live in peace and acceptance and stop questioning "Why does death happen?"
Im in fear. I hate it, but at least I know everyone around me faces it and I am not the only one.