Sex - the word itself is as exotic as the action.
It is undoubtedly one of the few verbs in our language that causes such dilemma and outrage among people. It is fun, exciting and even more so, kind to the mind.
Although the excitement of pleasure seems erratic, it can make sex boring and a chore. In the life that we cherish, we introduce fetishes and role play into a relationship - almost like an actor on stage, only one-on-one or more. Adjusting to a person’s kinks is one of the keys to a healthy sexual relationship with a partner, however, we find ourselves sometimes not wanting to adjust and simply not wanting to try foreplay.
Learning how to say ‘no’ in a way that is honest, but not hurtful creates an essential grounding of the situation.
We love our sex life. Period. No question about that. However, it is the spark and the razzle dazzle of an orgasm that we all enjoy the most. Getting to that point isn’t always 1-2-3—we introduce the magic of blowjobs, handjobs, kissing, erotic massages, and etc. The list can continue, even towards food play. It sometimes gets to a point where you’re only doing those things to please your partner. If you feel like you’re obliged, you won’t enjoy the wonders our bodies can create. It’s hard to maintain a healthy balanced relationship between politely saying no, and doing so can cause a rift in the relationship - even with a friends-with-benefits. It is always easy to play sick and say not tonight rather than truly admitting you don’t want to. In a relationship, is sex a friend or an enemy?
Some of us have trouble getting into sex, especially with all the hardships of working, paying bills and most of us, college. Some find sex to ease that stress and help with the mundane activities of life. It is evident that shutting your mind from thoughts is difficult and then going into seduction mode, it can be a drag or a heavy burden. It may not seem, in our head, like we are rejecting our partner as a person, but as a way of being alone. When it comes to saying no, are we the villains? It is easier to feel like the victim rather than afore player. If saying no creates such tension, should the relationship be questioned? I think if the relationship is stable and the trust is truly there, maybe saying no wouldn’t be so bad.
I asked a couple of friends about their experiences with the matter and they seem to suggest that sometimes it’s hard to say no.
Leslie has been with her boyfriend for three years and is living with him. She has all the free time in the world, especially because she is a freelance writer. Living with her boyfriend has been a fairy-tale so far, yet she does have an issue when saying no to him. She says she feels like it’ll hurt his ego or that he’ll think she must be getting some action elsewhere. In my experience, I would bluntly say no and that would be the end of the discussion, then again I never lived with a partner or had such a strong connection with someone.
Couples practice sex in order to feel a connection, not only to get laid. There is a practice of expressing how much you care for one another that allows you to say "thank you for taking care of yourself" which shows in a subtle way, that rejection is OK. When you know that your partner can freely express themselves, you can take a yes as a solid truth and not worry if they’re into it or not.
The primary concern is making sense of what we need out of sex and when yet sharing that information is another aptitude set that we each need to explore. Perhaps you truly do have a cerebral pain every so often, yet for alternate circumstances, figuring out how to be forthright about your reasons and how your moxie functions, libido, can mean an additionally fulfilling knowledge when you do state yes. Who knows maybe even booty-calls can seem much different also.
