The good ol' Urban Dictionary defines the term Friends With Benefits as: "Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment". Other definitions listed include "Friends by day, sex partners by night" and "A healthy, fun sexual relationship between two people... Until one falls for the other, the friendship blows to pieces. And those two people find themselves worse off than they were before".

I'll be honest... friends with benefits has always seemed like an odd concept to me. What sort of beef does our world today have with committed dating relationships? Why are people so against being attached?

But oddly enough, when I look at these definitions, I don't feel angered. I don't feel frustrated. I simply feel sad. I feel sad that our world has twisted romance so badly into something that isn't worth the time. I feel sad that people would rather jump around from person to person having casual sex or any form of sexual relation rather than enjoy just one person's company. People argue that you "never get bored" that way... that it's more "fun".

But hang with me for a moment and ask yourself... is it really?

Let me tell you a story, friends. In October of 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend (more on that experience coming in a future article). To make a long story short, following the breakup, I was a complete mess. I cried enough tears to form a new ocean, I was vulnerable, I was angry, I was bitter, and so many other awful emotions. During this time, I had a male friend who came into my life and stood alongside me. He sat with me on the steps of my college's admissions building and held me while I sobbed my eyes out. When I couldn't sleep because my mind was racing too much, he'd meet me outside my dorm and would wrap me in a hug until I felt better. If he saw my ex around, he'd tell me to walk a different way or avert my eyes just so I didn't have to encounter him and have a welling up of all of those horrible emotions again.

Over time, my relationship with this friend seemed to progress into something more than friendship. He would sent me flirty texts... which then turned into flirty Snapchats... and it continued to progress this way until the tone of our conversations turned from more friendly and flirty to sexually charged.

At first, I'll admit that this sort of language didn't bother me. It was slightly unfamiliar territory, as my boyfriend and I hadn't gotten to that place in our relationship before we broke up, but I'm not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy it. What girl doesn't enjoy having a guy call her beautiful and sexy and tell you how he wishes you were with him so that he could kiss you and hold you and touch you?

But here is what eventually got to me: while that language is all fine and good... it should only be fine and good within the contexts of a dating relationship. What killed me about this friendship was that as I started to develop feelings for this friend of mine (and I expressed them to him... multiple times), he refused to commit. He acknowledged he had feelings for me also, but yet refused to call me his girlfriend. He wanted all the perks of a dating relationship--cuddling, kissing, sexual flirting--but he didn't want the commitment.

He simply wanted me to be his friend, but with benefits.

And while it was painful, I walked away and I said no.

I said no to being a friend with benefits because I was tired of fighting for his attention.

I said no to being a friend with benefits because commitment and quality will always trump fickleness and quantity.

But most importantly, I said no to being a friend with benefits because while I crave intimacy and relish in praise about my body like any normal human being... it only fuels my flesh, and not my spirit.

Here's the thing, friends: as humans, we crave relationships. We crave touch and love and praise because it makes us feel valued and whole. It makes us feel important and special. And who doesn't like to feel that way? But throwing yourselves at multiple people and dividing your attention and devotion up into them isn't the answer to this need.

What I urge you, both ladies and men, to do is to simply take a breath and wait. Is it difficult? Oh, more than anything. But trust me, friends. By waiting you gain so much more than you would by running to the first thing you see. Waiting may not give you immediate gratification, but it will give you commitment. It will give you peace of mind. And most of all, it'll give you a sense of fulfillment and a love like you've never had before--the kind of love you've been craving all along.

Be blessed xx