Half of the time I lie in bed and think, “Ugh, I should have said this,” or “Wow, why didn’t I say that?” Other times I sit there and think, “Should I really tell them how I feel? Should I just keep it to myself?” More often times than not, I regret not saying something I wanted to. I know I am not alone in this. But why do we do this? Why do we bite our tongues when we really want to scream out our thoughts? Here are a few reasons to answer those questions
1. Conflict
We fear that if we say what we are actually thinking, uproar may break out. Many people run and hide at the sight of conflict. Some see arguments or “tiffs” as detrimental to a relationship. Not that I think it is healthy to argue all the time, but I do think it is important to tell people how you feel. It shows your character and loyalty to your beliefs and morals. How you deliver your message is the utmost important thing. Be respectful. Don’t point fingers. Tell them how you feel, not what they did or did not do wrong.
2. Rejection
We fear that if we say how we truly feel, the other person may not feel the same way back. From the beginning of time, we are told the opposite sex has cooties and we need to stay far away from them. Hopefully we have all grown up a little since then, but we still have that fear of not having the same feelings reciprocated so we choose to stay away from ever catching the “feels.” We have to gain the confidence to let people know where we stand. If they don’t feel the same way, it’s not the end of the world. It’s better to know and not have to wonder about the “what if.”
3. Hopelessness
We fear that our relationship/friendship is already at its low point and there is no way of helping it. We think that saying what we feel won’t change anything. But why take the risk of not saying anything at all? You could be withholding yourself from a far greater potential. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t give up!
Those three points I just made all began with, “We fear.” And that is the biggest thing holding us all back from what we really need to say.
John Mayer said it best, so I won’t try to top him:
“Have no fear for giving in. Have no fear for giving over. You'd better know that in the end it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again… Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken. Even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open.”
