Saving Sex For Marriage

If The Bible Can't Convince You To Save Sex For Marriage, Maybe Science Will

Sex shouldn't only be a faith-based decision.

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I'm a college girl, 21, in a committed relationship of over a year, and I'm saving sex for marriage. I'm also Christian. But I don't feel the need to include that in my first sentence because my faith isn't the only reason I'm saving sex for marriage. There's a lot more to the sanctity and weight of sex than just "what the Bible teaches" or what my priest or pastor says. There's actual science behind it. It's the science that backs up the emptiness and hurt girls feel after the man they first have sex with leaves them. It's called Oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a chemical in a girl's brain that is released in large amounts when she has sex, gives birth, and breastfeeds her child.

This chemical emotionally connects her to the other person for the rest of her life. It's literally known as the "love hormone." The hormone doesn't know whether or not it's a dating fling or a marital promise, it's released either way with the same weight and strength and it's what causes girls to fall in love with their partner. So while Oxytocin is meant to help you bond with the love of your life, it's also the reason so many girls feel so miserable after a short-term relationship ends.

The other part of this equation is that men don't release Oxytocin like women during sex. They primarily release dopamine, the "pleasure hormone." Their body isn't reacting to sex the same way ours does, ESPECIALLY if it's just some college relationship. There are literally physical and emotional things that happen to our bodies during sex that no one ever talks about. It's not just a casual recreational "feels good" thing you do cause everyone else is.

Oxytocin is being released during sex outside of marriage and forming this bond with someone who we have no committed life with. There's no promise of a future with them, while our body is hormonally bonding us to them for life. How scary. Sex before marriage can, and IS destroying self-worth, self-confidence, and overall self-happiness. I see it all over college campuses, in my friends and in the hurt, depression, and anxiety girls all around me struggle with. If the Bible can't convince you to save sex for marriage, after you create a covenant with someone on that altar, maybe science will.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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I Am Not Anyone's Second Choice

I'm not just here as your last resort.

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I always see those inspirational quotes/pictures going around on social media about how it's okay to cut toxic people out of your life. For the longest time, this wasn't something that I related to at all. I had my friends and I didn't have any problems.

But throughout my time in college, I've had people in my life that I realized only cared about me when it was convenient for them.

This has proved true in my relationships and friendships. I never really realized it until I started thinking more about it, but since I was younger, I've always been taken advantage of. Like I've said before, I have such a big heart and I always forgive people, even when they don't deserve it.

Most of the relationships I've been in, I came away feeling like I was just being used. I also had a friend that made me feel like that way as well. All of these people only reached out to me when everyone else wasn't available. They only reached out to me when they just didn't want to be alone, and they knew that I would text them back, hang out with them, be there for them.

It got to the point where these relationships all made me feel like I was just people's second choice. Like they didn't care about me unless they had no one else to hang out with.

But I'm not anyone else's second choice.

I've finally gotten to a point in my life where I've realized that I do have toxic people in my life. And I've finally come to the realization that I have to cut those kinds of people out.

I'm not the kind of person to say that I'm any better or any worse than those around me, but I definitely don't deserve to be taken advantage of or used. No one deserves that.

And I'm not going to be treated like that anymore because I'm not a second option. For anyone.

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