I’ve always been thankful to have places where I felt safe. The obvious ones that come to mind are my school, my friends’ places, and the theatre. They have always been my getaways, my places to relax, and wind down with myself, or among the company of others whom I trust, respect, and care for. I was very appreciative to have them and grateful that I could have not only people to rely on but comforting and reassuring places to trust in as well.
I used to consider myself fortunate for my surroundings until last week my campus was overridden with numerous incidents of hate, racism, and violence. I won’t be too specific on the details in that I feel repeating these incidents is getting us nowhere, except more upset and angry. This continued occurrence of these events through word of mouth, and even extending the maliciousness of them further through vicious attacks and insults on social media platforms. The amount of hate and uncomfortableness that this past week has caused should have never accumulated to such a high multitude, but yet it has. We cannot negate this fact. We can no longer view anything the same, not rules or regulations, even people after allowing, and encouraging such horrible precedents to be on campus.
Such is the case that we cannot even view our surroundings the same. The places I once considered lovely, comfortable, and safe have diminished in their value and promise to protect me. I used to walk through my campus with pride and excitement and now often walk down the halls of the library or listen to more protests outside the windows of my apartment wondering what horrors could be in store next. Living on campus used to seem convenient, but now it feels claustrophobic.
Even when I leave campus, the conversations of what’s occurred still follow me wherever I go. Conversations of anger, hopelessness, and disappointment around people believing ideas that have no real merit or logical reasoning, being founded on hate or prejudice. Brainstorming solutions that are far beyond our reach to enact or implement change when the power in which to do so is out of our control. Worry arising in what a lack of action will further incite, and if in fact there is a solution at all to wait for.
The theatre which I have always considered to be my one constant home even has its issues. In an industry that is supposed to be about bringing communities together through storytelling reflects the strides we still have to go to make that sentiment true. The shows I see are still using token characters of race to claim a false promise of diversity. Actors, administrators, directors, and playwrights of different color, sexuality and gender are still fighting for representation that should be innate by now, not ideal. It makes me question my choice of career and course of study to see issues of discrimination and exclusion carry over into my future working environments as well as echoing the present one now.
The outlets that are meant to discuss or find solace from these issues present their own problems that need addressing. Which leads me to question when all avenues for change and collaboration feel stripped down, what can truly stand and uphold the idea of a safe space? Is it that we have lost hope in finding a place where that term holds true or is it an impossible concept we can't execute in the first place? At this moment, the term feels it can only have a temporary effect, if any.
Due to this impermanence, I realize now I can no longer turn a blind eye. I must accept what’s occurred, do my best to vocalize a need to rediscover that security once more, and look for new outlets to communicate my concerns feeling support from my efforts, and not despair. Which is why I felt compelled to write this in the first place, to find somewhere safe to express this need as I know I am not alone in these concerns.
Buildings may collapse, institutions may be broken, but ink can never be destroyed, only dry. A couple smears may smudge the page or make the writing appear messier, even fire can burn what was once proclaimed, but the power that lies in well-intended words doesn’t make their meaning any less true, or forgotten. We can only continue to reflect and discuss these issues that make us uncomfortable in hopes that they will spark the correct action to protect students from further hate and harm.
In the meantime, we wait for tolerance as well as justice to be brought back to an environment where it should be inherent.
