He's drunk and crying and I'm hurting and we're on Skype together and it's a Saturday night. My heart is broken because of him and even more, now, because his is broken, too. The other girl, the one he passed me up to date, just announced that they're not exclusive when they are. All he wants to do is be in love and all I want to do is show him that I can love him. He's not honest with himself about her and I'm not completely honest about my feelings for him about her. I decided to hide my anger and just be the "supportive" friend that I thought that I could be.
I want to tell him that he should have chosen me but it's not the time.
So I tell him that her not claiming him even though she says she feels strongly for him and he reciprocates the feeling, is a red flag. I tell him her flirting with other guys and her getting upset with other girls flirting with him is a red flag. In a soft sympathetic voice, I tell him that this girl is a walking red flag.
I can't be anything but honest.
I know it's something that he doesn't want to hear but it's something that needs to be said. I don't want my friend to get hurt even though we've just met but a friend is a friend. I have to be honest with him because I'd want him to be honest with me in situations like these. It's a sign that he has my back as much as I have his.
I tell him that this brutal honesty is out of love and respect for him. I'm grateful that he appreciates it. I'm secretly frustrated because I know he won't take it into careful consideration.
It's Sunday afternoon and we're on Skype and he's updating me on the talk they had with each other. I know he's settling with being mistreated. I tell him to not be with her and just move on with someone.
Secretly, I want him to move on to me. I know he won't. I'm still sympathetic. And I'm at my wits end with him. "She's not right for you," I say to him.
A few weeks later, I give him a talk that I like to call "Givers and Takers." She's hurt him, again and again, I'm picking up the pieces. I tell him that there are two kinds of people in relationships: givers and takers. I tell him he's a giver and she is a taker. I tell him that she's going to continue to take from him and only give when he calls her out for it but only for a little bit. I tell him that he shouldn't be with someone that will only take from him.
Kindly, like the good man he is, he defends her and her actions. We sit in silence for some time.
"Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly, stupid people love stupidly, but the love of a free man is never safe," I softly say to him. I don't get angry with him like I normally do. I'm content with the fact of not being listened to but my honesty about his relationship will never waiver. The core qualities of being a true friend never waiver.
In a perfect world, I wish he realized that he is in love with a wicked girl who loves wickedly. I wish he realized that he's loving stupidly and that his love isn't safe, too. He still doesn't listen but he tells me he appreciates my honesty. And, that's all that matters.