"College can be kind of lonely, right?" I asked. It was freshman year and I was sitting in my car one night, having a phone conversation with my mom.
"Oh yes. College can feel very lonely," she replied.
College does get pretty lonely, not to mention stressful. I'm grateful for the life I've had. In many ways I've had it pretty easy, but I know that I didn't have a completely pampered, worry-and-loss-free existence before college. Nonetheless, college has definitely been emotionally trying. I'm not alone in feeling that way, either. I've noticed more and more of my friends telling me they feel profoundly sad or anxious lately.
Unlike a place where the winter can play a role in depression, we go to school in California, which has some of the sunniest weather in this country. Our school is ten minutes from the beach. Even when in the trenches of studying in our school's library, one can still see the ocean. In the nearby Marina, there is a park where seals bark at passing paddle boarders.
Yet, even here, it's not impossible to feel down. Even though I've had other periods of depression in my life, in college I have been the most aware of how sad I truly was. It could be that increased awareness is part of what makes it seem like my friends and I are struggling more than we used to be. Perhaps we just weren't as aware of our own feelings before. In that case, I'm glad to at least know how I feel.
The more I look at the "traditional college experience," the more I think that some parts of that experience can push all of the wrong buttons for someone who is vulnerable to depression. For many of us, college is a time when we are separated from home and family. Many of the things we used to do in a group, or at least around people we know, we now do alone.
When we think of the archetypal person who suffers from depression, or envision ourselves feeling depressed, what comes to mind? Lying awake at night and then sleeping too late the next day? Drinking too much? Having meaningless relationships with people? Watching hours of TV alone? Staying inside all day? Eating junk food or skipping meals? Sounds like a college student to me. Add to these the stress of being away from home and family and of trying to succeed academically and it seems like a lot of people in this position would be pretty...sad.
It's interesting that even the things that are supposed to be fun for college students to do are things that we would do if we were depressed. I asked my friend Sophie about this, and she said that she thought it had to do with what people feel like they're "supposed" to do. People might pass up opportunities to engage in other activities or do more things like binge-watching or binge-drinking because they feel obligated to find them enjoyable.
I'm neither dismissing serious feelings of sadness by attributing them to trivial factors, nor implying that everyone who behaves a certain way is depressed. I'm trying to get at something else altogether. Being a successful college student and getting all of your work done is a completely different goal than being in good mental health, and those two pursuits can detract from each other. Staying up all night can help you perform well in a class, but it can also kill your mood. For some of us, all it takes are a few all-nighters to make us feel down.
With all this in mind, I'm making a promise to myself to protect my psyche from the stress of college. From now on, I won't spend a whole day alone in my apartment. If I have to sit in the library all day, I'll sit by the window to get some natural light. I'll check in with my friends to see if they've eaten dinner before I sit down by myself. College can be lonely, but I don't have to be.
