“Strong people don't put others down... They lift them up.” - Michael P. Watson
Why do we feel the need to add to the problem instead of trying to fix it? Is it that we crave the drama and the need to fight for something not worth fighting for? Or are we creatures of habit and stick to what we know best... dwelling on the negative instead of focusing on the positive?
We as individuals find comfort living in our own little bubbles, clouding our heads with self-deprecation and unsolved problems. We get caught up in the mess of life and tend to forget that there is a light that we can swim to if we want. We need to learn how to process sadness so we can deal with it, then do this incredible thing called letting it go.
As important as it is to think about your problems in an attempt to decipher emotions and meanings of the subject stuck in your head, you need to talk about it so you can get it off your chest. As great as this plausible thinking could be, the second we go to talk to someone, it turns into a competition as to who has a sadder life.
If somebody comes to you to talk about their problems, don't say "It could always be worse." Because obviously it can, but that doesn't minimize the pain in their heart or worry on their mind. If they tell you something, ask them how they feel or what they think they can do to make it better. Offer actual advice on how they can make it a little easier.
Above all, show that you are there to support them and listen to them; be the shoulder they need to cry on, wipe their tears, and then pick up them. Show them that it's okay to be sad but it's even more important to be happy. It's okay to get down, but don't stay there, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and show the universe that you are strong and powerful.
I find that my sadness comes in waves; it's not often situational but rather a growing pile of issues that start to become too heavy for me to carry, so I break. Sometimes I can dig myself out of the heaps of problems holding me down, but other times it would be nice to have a helping hand encouraging me to keep going while digging to get me out.
To get a good friend you must be one. You can't expect people to be there for you if you are nowhere to be found when they need you. If they want to vent to you, don't try to have a competition. If they are upset that they spilled their coffee on themselves on their way to work, don't tell them one second later about how you failed a test.
Let them tell you about what's on their mind, listen, ask questions, and offer advice. Let me emphasize this once more for the people in the back, you need to listen first. When they are done, by all means go ahead and vent about your day. Ask for advice and listen to what they have to say for you. But don't try throwing a pity party at someone who is already sad enough.
To build strong and lasting relationships, you must show that you support them in everything they do, the good and the bad. It's a two way street and it starts at understanding, not at an underlying unwanted competition. Be there for people so they want to be there for you. Above all, don't forget to love.
