Rejection. It’s something we have all dealt with in some way or another.
In middle school and high school, I dealt with rejection like most people my age. However, due to circumstances going on with my family at the time, the rejection I was dealing with grabbed my heart and dug its claws in all around. In middle school, I was quiet and rarely ventured out of my comfort zone of friends I was close to. My best friend from middle school was the same best friend I had had since the fourth grade. In my eighth grade year, she told my brother that she had pretended to be my friend the whole time we were in middle school. That was a type of hurt that struck me deep. It took me a long time to be able to get over the hurt that was caused from that friendship.
When I started as a freshman in high school, I thought the world was my oyster. I was ready to conquer everything that high school would throw at me. I decided it was time to get out of my comfort zone and start to become more involved with things going on at school. I also thought it would be a good idea to start making new friends other than some of the ones I had in middle school.
My first week of high school, a junior decided I was the newest apple of his eye. He pursued me relentlessly. I was enamored with this boy. He was the first guy who ever showed any romantic interest in me. I knew him growing up, and thought I knew what kind of guy he was. Boy, was I wrong. My parents were initially concerned when he showed interest in me, I was 14 and he was 16, but they opened up to the idea of me going on dates with him. After a couple of dates, I thought he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. He told me his parents had decided I was too young for him to date. This was just one of many lies I found out he had told me. About a month after we stopped seeing each other, he was dating another girl in my class.
Initially, this would not have given me any problems. I would not have felt the bitter sting of rejection had he just been honest with me and told me he didn’t want to date me anymore. Instead, he lied to me and only fed the rejection that had gripped my heart by its claws.
Why am I telling you all of this?
The background of some of my main rejection stories have remained with me even after all this time. These rejections by people in my life caused me to enter a cycle of self-doubt, insecurity, loneliness, social anxiety, and depression. By Christmas time of my freshman year of high school, I had decided that with all the rejection I had faced, God was not for me.
The minute I started to think that God was not for me, He started showering me with love, acceptance, discernment, wisdom, and the ability to see Him working in my life and the lives of those around me. God also placed some strong friends in my life who genuinely encouraged rather than just tickled my ears with empty words. I was always told that God worked everything for good but never truly experienced how great His goodness and love was until this point in my life.
Five years after the full realization of God’s love for me, I still struggle with my past rejections sometimes. I still go through times where I temporarily push away my friends because I misinterpret their actions towards me because of how much rejection affected to my heart years ago. I started reading "Uninvited" by Lysa TerKeurst. Here are a couple of truths she has wrote in her book about rejection:
"Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me."
"We must respect ourselves enough to break the pattern of placing unrealistic expectations on others."
"In light of God’s deep affection, we no longer have to live in fear of rejection. The more fully we invite God in, the less we will feel uninvited by others."
"Bitterness, resentment, and anger have no place in a heart as beautiful as yours."
I decided to run away from my past hurts and rejections. However, based on what I have interpreted from my reading of Uninvited is that I should embrace them with open arms. I should allow God to change me and my heart. Embracing my past rejection will enable me to be a person who can appreciate my friendships more deeply. It also allows me to be someone who can help other who struggle with dealing with rejection.
