Dear Freshman,
Just a year ago I was in your position. I was buying things for my dorm and was super excited to begin a new chapter in my life. I was getting to know my new roommates by texting and through social media, and I was positive we were all going to be great friends. I was living in a suite where everyone had their own walk-in-closet sized bedroom, and we all shared a bathroom and common room. We met up a little before school started and went out to lunch and then went shopping for the bathroom. I was nervous and excited all at the same time because I wanted them so badly to like me.
The thing about me is that I'm a people pleaser. I go with the flow to make other peoples' lives easier and never want to do anything to upset anyone. I don't like standing up for myself, I would rather just suffer in silence. I hate conflict and avoid it at all costs. I thought this was a good characteristic about me, seeing that I didn't think I ever caused any conflict with others.
The first two weeks of college was great. We all got along. We had our entire hall full of people in our room a couple times at night. We were all getting to know each other and I thoguth to myself how lucky I was to be roomed with these girls. We still didn't know a lot about each other, but we were getting along so great that it wasn't an issue and I was excited to be able to continue to get to know them.
Well, I was wrong about everything. Either my people-pleasing personality didn't actually please others, or these girls were just impossible to please (Here's a hint: it's the second one). They would find things to purposely get upset over. They would talk about me when I wasn't there and I knew this because I was still friends with one of my roommates who would fill me in on things that were going on (you know who you are -- love ya girl!) But in reality, they were the ones who did things that were annoying. Being the people pleaser I was, though, I never commented on it. I just politely ignored it and kept to myself.
After that second week, things were miserable. I talked to my RA to see what I could do to make things go smoother and it was great advice, but it just didn't work with these girls. I wasn't alone though, because my RA told me that every single girl's room was having issues. That's what happens when you room girls together from four different worlds who don't know each other.
I stayed in my dorm the entire first semester, but at the very beginning of the second semester something happened to me that was really wrong and set me off and I realized I was done with them for good. I wasn't even staying in my own dorm. I went over to my friends dorm every night and hung out with her, and of course my roommates made drama over that as well, saying that I must be a "lesbian" due to how much I hung out with my best friend. Odd right? Apparently, finding a best friend in college and hanging out with them all the time makes you actual lovers (sass intended). They came up with stupid things to talk about and to complain about me because I guess my name tasted good in their mouths.
At this time at the beginning of the second semester, I moved out. I moved from a nice suit to having my own room in one of the nasty old high rises and believe me when I say I loved every second of it. Everyone on my floor was so welcoming and we all became friends instantly. No one had a problem with me and we always hung out together in the common area. They would invite me to go out with them and to go to the dining hall with them and we would all congregate in my room and talk. I would leave my door open while I was in the room and my friends would stop by just to say hey.
My second semester was such a stress relief because I wasn't around my old roommates who caused me anxiety on a daily basis because I never knew when they would get mad at me over something that they really shouldn't have been mad over. Living in the high-rises gave me a true college experience and I actually wish I had lived in it all year. All the girls I met are still my friends now and I know we will still all hang out next year.
The message to take from this is that college is exciting. Getting roommates is exciting. Being out on your own for the first time is exciting. You need to do everything in your power to keep yourself happy during the year. Being a people pleaser is nice, but at the end of the day, you need to be your first priority. It's great if you become really good friends with your roommates because a lot of people do. However, a lot of people also don't get along with your roommates. If you have conflicts that just can't be resolved, consider moving out if you can find a new dorm. Unless you pick your roommates, whoever your roomed with is the luck of the draw. Don't let who your roomed with ruin your college experience. Make sure your happiness is a priority, and while you should compromise with roommates and do your best to get along, sometimes you still won't be good enough. It's okay to not get along, but just realize that you may think you're going to be great friends for the rest of your life and it's okay if that's not true.
Anna, thanks for welcoming me as a friend and taking me in to your dorm when I needed to get away. In dedication of our friendship and us being apparent "lesbian lovers" according to my old roommates, here is the first awkward picture that I took of us. I love you and I can't wait to be roommates next year!
