WASHINGTON, D.C.—After dominating the 2016 election conversation, making controversial statements, winning state primary after state primary, and eventually becoming the Republican Party’s presumptive nominee, businessman Donald Trump found his campaign for President abruptly stopped in its tracks on Thursday, exactly one year after declaring his candidacy.
At a press conference in Washington, D.C. this morning, Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus announced that Trump would be barred from consideration as the Republican nominee for President based on his recent comments on Judge Gonzalo Curiel, whom Trump claimed would not be able to impartially judge a lawsuit over Trump University because Curiel is Mexican-American.
“For an entire year,” said Priebus, “we have tolerated Donald Trump’s remarks. We heard him say questionable things about Mexicans. We heard him say questionable things about Muslims. We heard him say questionable things about women. We tolerated all these things because we knew the kind of reaction he’d have, and because, frankly, we didn’t want a lawsuit on our hands.
“However, Mr. Trump’s remarks about Judge Curiel were the point where Trump officially went too far. As a prosecutor who worked to put prominent members of Mexican drug cartels behind bars, Judge Curiel did more to secure the border than any wall Trump could ever build. What Mr. Trump said about Judge Curiel is, as Speaker Pau Ryan put it, ‘the textbook definition of a racist comment.’ This is not what the Republican Party stands for, and it’s not what the American people stand for. So Donald, it is with great pride that I say to you...you’re fired.”
Priebus announced that the RNC had made changes to the party’s nomination process for President, effective immediately, that he described as a “bulletproof” means of barring Trump from the nomination. Under the new rules, anyone born with the name Donald John Trump would not be eligible for the Republican nomination. When asked if this still leaves Trump a way to re-enter the race, Priebus quipped, “If he wants to prove the J has stood for something else this entire time, then he can show us his birth certificate.”
“There is, however,” Priebus then continued, “a candidate I would like to endorse for President. I hope my fellow Republicans will do the same. Please rise and welcome Roman Reigns to the stage!”
To the confusion of those in attendance, Reigns, a former professional football player and current WWE Heavyweight Champion, approached the stage from the other side of the room, making his way through the crowd to get there. Wearing a suit, and with his hair tied back, Reigns gave very little detail in terms of policy, but did promise to “assess and attack” America’s problems as President, whether they be domestic or foreign. Reigns concluded his speech by saying, “I’m not a bad candidate for President. I’m not a good candidate for President. I’m the candidate for President. Believe that.” He then walked away from the podium.
“Oh, and Donald?” said Priebus as he retook the podium. “If you’re wondering how all this happened, well…” To the shock of the audience, Priebus then removed his face, revealing that he was not Reince Priebus at all--he was WWE’s majority owner, chairman, and CEO, Vince McMahon.
“It was me, Donald! It was me all along!” shouted McMahon. “No further questions! Don’t forget to subscribe to the WWE Network!” McMahon then left, leaving the journalists in attendance in confusion and disarray.
UPDATE: Soon after Mr. McMahon’s exit from the press conference, Donald Trump tweeted the following from his account. He quickly deleted it, but at least one person managed to take a screenshot of it from their laptop before it was taken down.
When asked about the tweet, Trump's campaign staff had no comment.
