Ohio vs. Akron

The matchup: Bobcats vs. Zips

Winner: Ohio

Until someone tells me what a zip actually is, this is an easy win for a wild predator such as the bobcat.

Ole Miss vs. Mississippi State

Matchup: Landshark/Rebel/who even knows vs. Bulldogs

Winner: Mississippi State

I might be slightly biased, but Ole Miss seems to be having an identity crisis, and I can't keep up with the revolving door of their mascots. Regardless, when it comes down to it, a shark on land seems pretty harmless and can easily be taken down by a bulldog.

Virginia Tech vs. Virginia

Matchup: Hokies vs. Cavaliers

Winner: Virginia

I had to do a good amount of googling on this one to make sense of either mascot, but since a Cavalier is an actual person and a Hokie is a bird, I think it can easily take care of the animal. Although, bird poop as a defense is a compelling argument for the other side.

South Florida vs. UCF

Matchup: Bulls vs. Knights

Winner: South Florida

Oh, I'm sorry, are you going to try to get in the way of a bull? Yeah, I didn't think so.

Iowa vs. Nebraska

Matchup: Hawkeyes vs. Cornhuskers

Winner: Nebraska

Again, I might be biased, but a cornhusker has apposable thumbs, and I don't know if a hawkeye is a real animal, so I'm just going to assume it's an actual hawk's eye, which one good, solid poke can take care of.

Missouri vs. Arkansas

Matchup: Tigers vs. Razorbacks

Winner: Missouri

Does anyone smell bacon? I think the winner of this one is pretty obvious.

Washington State vs. Washington

Matchup: Cougars vs. Huskies

Winner: Washington State

This might be the most well-matched pairing of the whole week. However, I give a slight edge to cougars if you also consider the ferocity of human cougars into account too.

Alabama vs. Auburn

Matchup: Crimson Tide/Elephants vs. Tigers

Winner: Alabama

Elephants are my favorite animal so I couldn't go against them. Anyways, an elephant could just step on a tiger. #stompingoutthehaters

Clemson vs. South Carolina

Matchup: Tigers vs. Gamecocks

Winner: Clemson

Does anyone smell fried chicken? I'm aware that I already made this joke, but this seems like another no-brainer.

Oklahoma vs. Oklahoma State

Matchup: Sooners vs. Cowboys

Winner: Oklahoma State

What's a sooner, you ask? Beats me. Look at that majestic cowboy atop his horse. I think he can beat whatever a sooner is.

Florida State vs. Florida

Matchup: Seminoles vs. Gators

Winner: Florida

I'm getting the creeps just looking at the picture, so I'm gonna let this guy win.

Georgia vs. Georgia Tech

Matchup: Bulldogs vs. Yellow Jackets/Bees

Winner: Georgia Tech

Georgia Tech calls their mascot yellow jackets since bees don't sound that intimidating. However, bee stings hurt like a mothertrucker.

Oregon State vs. Oregon

Matchup: Beavers vs. Ducks

Winner: Oregon State

In a matchup of beavers vs. ducks, it seems like there's really two losers here. However, look at the feistyness in this little guy's eyes; he's ready to attack.

Wisconsin vs. Minnesota

Matchup: Badgers vs. Gophers

Winner: Minnesota

Alright, I can honestly barely tell these two animals apart so how am I supposed to pick a winner? The only reason I'm giving gophers an edge is due to how pesky they were in Caddyshack.

P.S. this picture could be of a gopher or could be of a prairie dog, who's to say?

Arizona vs. Arizona State

Matchup: Wildcats vs. Sun Devils

Winner: Arizona State

We ain't messing with anything that has devil as a part of the name. Not today, Satan.

Georgia State vs. Georgia Southern

Matchup: Panthers vs. Eagles

Winner: Georgia State

As much as I want to say MERICA and pick the eagle, being a panther is a pretty solid argument.

UL Monroe vs. Louisiana

Matchup: Warhawks vs. Ragin' Cajuns

Winner: Louisiana

Anything with the word raging in the name seems like they'd win.

Northwestern vs. Illinois

Matchup: Wildcats vs. Illini

Winner: Northwestern

Can someone please tell me what an Illini is? Is it just someone from Illinois? I think even a normal housecat could take care of this mythical mascot (Update: I have now learned that an Illini can refer to the Illiniwek and has to do with a group of Indigenous tribes from Illinois. I'm glad Illinois no longer uses an image of a Native American as their mascot, but they still use the name, and I don't know about that).

Indiana vs. Purdue

Matchup: Hoosiers vs. Boilermakers

Winner: Purdue

Tying someone to train tracks usually has a 100% success rate for the train.

Louisville vs. Kentucky

Matchup: Cardinals vs. Wildcats

Winner: Kentucky

Although Tweetie Bird and Sylvester demonstrate that the cat doesn't always easily win, in this case, I can safely say it would.

Vanderbilt vs. Tennessee

Matchup: Commodores vs. Volunteers

Winner: Commodores

I don't know what a Volunteer actually is, and I do realize that they use a dog as their costumed mascot, but I'm not counting that. Whether a Commodore is a high-ranking navy officer or a member of the famous band from the 70s and 80s, they win.

North Carolina vs. NC State

Matchup: Tarheels/Rams vs. Wolfpack

Winner: NC State

I was very tempted to give UNC the win since rams are fierce competitors, but we are talking not one wolf, not two but a whole pack of wolves. I don't even know how many are in a pack. I'm going to guess 12. I just looked it up and according to handy-dandy www.livescience.com/27909-wolves.html, the average is 10.

Cal vs. UCLA

Matchup: Bears vs. Bruins... wait, a second.

Winner: Cal

What the heck, these are both bears. I mean, I know that there's a bear on the California flag, but come on, couldn't you have tried to be a little more original? How, you may ask, am I going to pick a winner of a matchup when they are the same two animals. Well, I'm choosing Cal solely on the fact that they weren't trying to trick me by using a different name.

Ohio State vs. Michigan

Matchup: Buckeyes vs. Wolverines

Winner: Michigan

I know this isn't the Wolverine that they mean, but can we just imagine it is? It doesn't really matter though, since a buckeye is an inanimate object, I think.

UNLV vs. Nevada

Matchup: Rebels vs. Wolfpack

Winner: Nevada

I don't understand the purpose of wanting to have a rebel as your mascot, but whatever just throw him to the wolves.