Sexual assault is defined by the United States Department of Justice as "any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient." Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape." #MeToo is a social media movement that was started on October 15, 2017, through Twitter by actress Alyssa Milano who with a simple tweet encouraged men and women to share their stories of sexual assault or sexual harassment.
The first time I was sexually assaulted was at the age of 14 by my first "boyfriend." I was already in a vulnerable state switching from a small private school to a larger public high school. I had trouble deciding what to wear to school because I was no longer in uniforms as well as fit into the social scene. Going to a much larger school in a neighborhood I was unfamiliar with was hard for me especially to make friends, to say the least. There was a bullying incident during the end of my freshman year which caused an even greater desire within me to feel included and welcomed somewhere. This was at the same time that I met the first perpetrator.
Five years later, I can still remember everything that happened to me. We were riding in the car to the amusement park. Two of his very young cousins were in the third row. We were in the middle row of the car as his sister and brother-in-law were in the driver and passengers seat and he forcibly laid me down and whispered to me, "don't say no to any of the stuff that I am about to do." As a confused 14-year-old who had never even kissed a boy before him, I was silent as to what was about to happen. He proceeded to touch me where I didn't want to be touched and every time I tried to move his hands away, he started to become more and more forceful.
My next few dates in high school consisted of different guys taking me to the movies then never speaking me to again if I didn't let them put their hand down my pants or when I refused to give them oral sex, they drove me back home in silence and would never speak to me again. The next time I was sexually assaulted was at the age of 15. This time, a stranger forced my head to give him oral sex until he reached completion. I never saw or spoke to him again.
One other issue I'd like to discuss that I have dealt with is sexual coercion that I have experienced in some of my relationships. Sexual coercion is defined as “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or forced to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”
Sexual coercion in ANY situation from ANY party of the relationship is wrong. A lot of people believe in the "no means no" and "yes means yes" policy but that isn't the case when it comes to sexual coercion. The first time someone says no is the answer they are giving no matter their reasoning whether they don't feel well or just because they don't want to and you shouldn't try to convince them otherwise.
Five years later, I may be still going to therapy and may be scarred over these moments of assault in my life but even though you may not think it gets better, it does. Try your best to not let these haunting moments of your past define who you become. In my current happy and healthy relationship, my boyfriend respects when I don't want to do something. He understands why some things may trigger me.
#MeToo
Some sexual assault resources are:
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
The National Sexual Violence Resource Center: 1-877-739-3895
