I went Through A 'Right Person, wrong time' situation, Sometimes Sh*t Happens

I went Through A 'Right Person, wrong time' situation, Sometimes Sh*t Happens

I never believed you could find the right person at the wrong time, but sometimes sh*t just happens.

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All my life, I have always been a hopeless romantic at heart. Even growing up, my mom said I was always a little boy crazy, starting when I got my first crush on a boy in pre-school (I might've looked him up on Facebook last month, and boy am I glad that didn't work out). Needless to say, I have always been in love with the idea of love, whether it be rom-coms, high school sweethearts, first love, love at first sight, soulmates, you name it. I love that sh*t.

However, when it has come to my own relationships, I haven't always had the same kind of experience that Noah and Allie did in "The Notebook," or Ross and Rachel in "Friends." Although I know it's unrealistic to have such high expectations in real life, nothing ever stopped me from believing in love, especially when I fell in love for the first time myself.

We first started talking a few months into our junior year of high school, and although we didn't date for several months after we started hanging out, it was pretty apparent that we were a good match for each other. Having been in a few relationships before, I was weary of getting my heart broken again and he was completely understanding of that, even though I'm sure it was frustrating at times. After we became official, we did all the things that high-school couples do; went to school dances, attended each other's holidays and family events, went on way too many movie and dinner dates to remember, and truth be told, it still leaves behind absolutely nothing but memories and the best two (almost three) years of my life.

This isn't to say that our relationship was a walk in the park either because just like any relationship, sh*t got real sometimes. He put up with all of me - my flaws, annoying habits, moodiness during PMS, and most importantly, my anxiety. Before I met him, I had never found anyone who tolerated and embraced all of what I thought made me unwanted or imperfect, which is why it was so easy to love him.

When we found out that we would be going the distance for at least a couple years while in college, that didn't sway the way that we felt about each other. We agreed that no matter what, we would make things work and for a while, things did work, until we encountered what some might call "bad timing." I, however, prefer the term "sh*t happens," because after all, sometimes life just happens like that.

I came across an article about the excuse of finding the right person at the wrong time, and if you would've asked me three months ago, I probably would have had the same perspective as the article did. I would've told you that true love can conquer and no matter what, people will make it work if they desperately want it to work. However, I can honestly say that after my long-term boyfriend and I recently ended things, I see that excuse completely differently, and almost as a valid one.

If you would've asked me this time last year if I thought that I would be single, I'd genuinely tell you no. Before I went away to school, people told me I was absolutely crazy for choosing to stay in a relationship while going away to college. "Don't you want to live your life? Don't you want to be able to experience college without being tied down?" they'd ask. I found out rather quickly that I actually hated the college hookup scene, and was thankful that I didn't have to deal with any of it. However, college didn't get in the way of our relationship, life did.

Yes, we both made several sacrifices in our relationship in order to make it work, but sometimes it's more than just making sacrifices. I felt as if I wasn't giving him what he deserved in our relationship, and I felt our love beginning to grow selfish. I was juggling a full-time internship, a part-time job, and a babysitting job, barely leaving any time for myself, let alone a boyfriend. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed and realized that although he was nothing but understanding of my busy schedule, that deep down I knew that continuing our relationship simply because I was afraid of losing him was selfish of me. So, I decided it was best to end things, despite still caring for him more than anything.

I've always been a big believer in "if it's meant to be, it'll be" and maybe that'll be what happens with us, maybe it won't. I just think to write off someone's excuse of finding the right person at the wrong time as lazy is definitely a bit of a reach, considering that every relationship is different. Yes, I have come to know a lot of people that simply weren't willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work, but that doesn't mean everyone is like that.

I didn't think it was possible to have to break up with someone who you still loved and cared about. Nonetheless, I didn't want to continue my relationship based on the fear that nobody else would love me like he would, or tolerate the crazy sh** that I sometimes do, like most girls. That to me would have been selfish, holding onto someone because I'm scared he might love someone else the same way he loved me.

I have never believed that each and every person only has strictly one soulmate, simply because that would mean that we'd only have one chance at finding true love.

I think we actually have several soulmates, so it's not to say that I missed out on the one great love of my life. Our love was great, but I don't believe it was our last shot at finding a great love.

My last relationship taught me so much about love and life itself. I learned that sometimes loving someone means letting them go, even if that means that you might have to take a chance at them falling in love with someone else. I learned that you have to trust wholeheartedly that whatever higher power or God, the universe, or just plain old fate will bring you exactly where you need to be. I learned that there is absolutely nothing liberating about living in fear of what the future might hold. I've learned it is okay to be happier by taking some time for yourself.

Most importantly, I've learned that sh*t happens.

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Are You The One? The Right Type Of Person For You Will Likely Be This

Breaking down the number one determiner you should be watching for in prospective friends and partners.

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Growing up, I was always told that "although relationships may come and go, family is forever," and, unknowingly, this adage has played a greater role in my life than I had ever realized. In determining both the individuals I choose to share meaningful friendships with, and those that I choose to be within relationships, one aspect of a person's character has always played a determining part in how I create an opinion of him or her: how he or she talks about, acts around, and treats his or her parents.

Some children start off as really close with their parents, push away from them during the teenage years, and then later return to being mom or dad's best friend again in adulthood. Others were not close with their parents as kids and later became their best confidants as they grew older. Some, unfortunately, were never close with their parents, and others just lost touch once they moved away or had families of their own. Whatever the situation may be, if a person grew up in a home where one's parents were far from perfect, yet did everything in their power to be really good ones, that in itself is reason enough to be thankful for, loving toward, and eternally appreciative of those that raised a person. Of course, in cases of neglect or abuse, it is understandable if an individual has an unkind thing or two to say about a parent, but for the most part, there is no excuse to speak ill of or treat one's parents poorly.

Everyone's parents can drive (and has driven) them nuts. Constant nagging about chores, school, and homework; asking about friends, teachers, and weekly schedules; refusing to let you out of the house in *that* outfit, or not wanting to loan you the car in high school; not buying you the latest and coolest things that everyone else has, or lecturing you on what to and what not to do in any given situation, whatever other countless situations and annoyances at the hands of a parent have momentarily plagued a household, each one has come from a place of care, compassion, curiosity, amazement, interest, worry, and, ultimately, love. When hormones are raging, frustrations are high, or time is of the essence, it's easy to get caught up in feelings of resentment or discontent over most often the smallest of things; but, is there any feeling worse than realizing later that you were unnecessarily mean to your mom and dad? Trust me, you're not always right (and this is coming from someone who always argues she is!)

When forming a new friendship or growing in a new relationship with any person, if you're not feeling awkward or know the person vaguely, then don't be afraid to ask questions like "So, what do your parents do?" or "How are your parents?" but if not, then actively listening to the other person's stories and anecdotes about their favorite memories, or even something that had happened just the day before, you can learn a lot.

A general rule of thumb is it can be pretty quickly determined what kind of person you're dealing with based on what first few topics they touch on in conversation with you. If the response is expletive-filled or laced with bitterness or indignation, without any apology or explanation, then chances are that there is little respect or regard present for those that have consistently done their best for that person for a great portion of their lives. If the response is warm, complementary, respectful, and most grateful, those qualities can likely set the tone for the way that the individual speaks of others in general.

So when it comes to determining whether to be friends with or to be in a relationship with someone, why does all of this matter? In short, because how they treat the people who love them most is how they will most likely treat you in whatever relationship you form with them. Numerous psychological studies have begun to take a deeper look at this, and have come to find that the Familiarity Principle of Attraction is one of the primary reinforcers of this idea. These studies have revealed that humans are attracted to what is most familiar, that repeated exposure only increases that attraction, and that this is due to the comfort, security, or safety that we may feel when around someone who emanates a loved one.

Not only may we be physically attracted to those that seem familiar, but also to behavior that is as well. Various case studies, however, have also shown that this may not always be a good thing. For example, it has been noted that individuals who grew up with one or more alcoholic parent tend to be attracted to partners with alcoholic tendencies, too. This is not because that quality is necessarily desirable or attractive, but it is familiar to that person. Similarly, women who have difficult relationships with their fathers, or boys who have issues with their mothers, tend to become friends with or romantically involved with individuals who treat them in a similar manner as that parent.

Of course, sociocultural, environmental, other psychological, and preference-based factors also come into play when determining who we see fit to spend our time with, but each person's life and personality was built on a foundation established by the teachings of family members, friends, mentors, and teachers. Listening to how an individual talks about these influential figures, how he or she may act around them, or how that person treats or considers them can tell you a lot more than you think. You deserve the world, so choose wisely.

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