Why I Rid Myself Of Toxic Friendships

Why I Rid Myself Of Toxic Friendships

Why I am no longer friends with the people I learned were toxic to me.
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They say that when you graduate high school you’ll see who your true friends are. When I graduated, I thought I knew who was sticking by my side. I knew that the friendships of just casually hanging out once in a blue moon and my school only/sport only friendships would be history. However, I would’ve never thought that people who I have cried with, the people who I shared secrets with, the people who I would hit up for a midnight food run, the people that I imagined would one day be in my wedding, the people who I considered family, would eventually turn into the people I just awkwardly say “hey” to when passing them at the grocery store. I’m not saying that every single person this has happened with was toxic to me, sometimes people just drift apart, sad but true. But for some, time away from them made me realize some things I’ve never seen in them before.

At one point, I thought that these people were good people. Little did I ever realize, they weren’t good people, they just did some good things. Whenever they did mean things to me, I defended them with all the good they’d do for me. I was blinded by the negativity they would throw on me. They would yell at me if I was associated with someone they didn’t like and say that that person was changing me into a disgusting person, but they wouldn’t even know I was associated with them until a picture is posted of us together. They would insult me and the things I did, but then another day defend and compliment me. They would call me stupid and try to “mom” me because I apparently couldn’t take care of myself, but in reality, I just wasn’t as afraid of the world as they were. But then I would remember all the memories we shared, all the adventures we’ve taken on, and all the heart to hearts we had. I remembered the times I called them crying and they took care of me. I remembered all the deep personal things they’d tell me, and all the things they have been through. I cared about them, and when you care about somebody you ignore the negatives.

But when you leave, and the positive memories come to a pause, the negatives become more clear.

I began to see how one way of friendships they were. Yeah sure, they paid for a few things of mine, they comforted me on occasions, but that didn’t override all of the bad. You’re not supposed to belittle your friends. You’re not supposed to yell at them until they cry just because you disagree with something they’re doing. That isn’t “being the mom friend”, that’s being a bitch. A mom friend gets you a ride if you’re too drunk, or holds your hair back then makes you soup when you're sick, or acts as a therapist when you need one. It is not someone who acts as if they are above you and complains about the way you acted to others later on.

I don’t regret those friendships because they made me grow more of a backbone. I learned to stand up for myself and the choices I make. I learned to not let myself be taken advantage of. I learned that you can only sympathize people to an extent. I learned that you can not fix a person, the only ones who can help them is themselves.

Negativity is contagious - it’s toxic. The best way to be happy is to disconnect yourself from all the miserable people. Life can be amazing, but it is also short. Don’t just put up with people, embrace them or let them go.

Cover Image Credit: Thought Catalog

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A Thank You To My Boyfriend's Family

Because you are so important to him, you are important to me.
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This one isn't easy to sit down and write because nothing I could say would do all of you justice in the way that I would hope I could. These are just words, but I hope that I am able to always show my thank you to you by treating him like the prince he is.

I can replay the moment of meeting each and every one of you all over and over in my head like it was yesterday. I was so extremely nervous every single time and I was trying to gather all the "right" things to say that would leave a good, first-lasting impression and that at the end of the day, you all would like me.

I think one of the most important basis and hopes in my relationship is that my significant other's family likes who I am. This is so important to me because whatever is important to him is equally important to me and your thoughts of me are crucial to our relationship.

The second I walked in the door, I was overwhelmed—overwhelmed with such a love. I had no idea at that point in time just how much you would all mean to me and how thankful I am for all of you!

Thank you for constantly making me laugh and feel at home.

Whenever I'm coming over for a family gathering or just to hang out, I know right off that I am walking into a world of laughter and good times are right beside that. You are all so entertaining and always have a good story to tell me. I can't name one time where I didn't feel like I was home.

And I appreciate the sweet, embarrassing photos and stories about my boyfriend that you all share with me! Even if it is by a photo, I have a glimpse of what his life has always been like thanks to each and every one of you individually.

Thank you for sharing your special moments in life with me.

You don't ever have to, but you invite me anyway. Whether it's just a family gathering, a birthday, or a holiday, I am thankful to have spent those times celebrating these moments in life alongside such amazing people. It's humbling and heartwarming to be a part of memories so unforgettable that you all share and that you have welcomed me to be a part of. They are days that I will never forget and have a place in my heart forever.

Thank you for always being there for him.

Since we have started dating, I have watched the way that you guys love him. I have watched the individual relationships and moments that you share with him make a difference in who he is. I have seen you all love and support him, no matter what he was doing.

With everything that comes along in life, this has been a simple reminder of an unconditional, loving, sacrificing family that is also the best support system. You are not only impacting him, but me, too.

Thank you for welcoming me in like your own.

Whenever you have to brave up and meet your significant other's family, I can say, for myself, that I didn't know what to expect. As I'm sure, none of you did when meeting me. Today, I catch myself wondering why I even worried in the first place. You all have welcomed me in your own ways and made me feel right at home. It is not always easy to do that with just anyone, but you have all taken the time to get to know me. And now I know that if I ever needed anything, I can call one of you.

Thank you for letting me date him.

I am most thankful for this. Thank you for sharing him with me and giving me a chance to show you all how important he is to me. I never thought that I would luck out and meet someone as special, kind, and wonderful as he is, but I did.

You have supported our relationship, given me a chance to love him, and welcomed me to new adventures in love and family. I have the upmost gratitude for each of you. You are the most wonderful, welcoming, and loving family. I am overjoyed to be able to experience just a glimpse of this life with him and with all of you.

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To the girl who used to be my friend

I really don't know what happened.

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We were best friends for so long. We met on the first day of kindergarten. You were extremely shy, and so was I, and I think that is why we clicked so well from the beginning. From fun day to play dates we were so close.

Then 2nd grade came and we went to different schools. They had decided to change the school line that year so even though we lived two minutes from each other, we were on different sides of the line. But different schools didn't mean splitting up. You were still my best friend. We found time to hang out. You came camping with me, even though you hated it. We would play colors, and pretend to be the girls from H2O in your pool. I came to see every High School musical you were in.

But then we got to middle school. I introduced you to my friends and we sat with them at lunch on the first day. Eventually one of my friends and I joined tech crew, which 6th graders normally weren't allowed to be a part of, but her sister had been on it so she had an in. A month or so later, you joined and so did a few of our other friends. It became our thing. We never ate in the cafeteria, but instead in the band room, or with the head of tech.

In 8th grade, we had a fight. I fight that never should have happened and one that honestly made me lose a lot of faith in you. It was spirit week. One of the days was twin day. You had the amazing idea for all of us to wear our tech crew shirts. I thought it was a great idea. Then, one day in gym, I was in the locker room with one of our friends. She looked at me and said "Let's not where our tech shirts. It's stupid. Will you tell her we aren't going to." To which I responded, "I'm not going to tell her. If you don't wanna wear tech shirts, you can tell her, but I'm going to wear mine." The next day I was home sick from school. I wish I hadn't been because that girl spun the story and told you I said not to wear the shirts. You wouldn't talk to me and even turned other friends against me. I tired to explain of what happened, but you wouldn't listen. And honestly that really hurt my feelings. Knowing that you believed someone who you only knew for two years vs me, your best friend since kindergarten. Eventually I apologized to you and our other friends, just so the fight would end.

Since then, we were never the same.

We still talked, we were still friends, but we weren't as close. We had a shared instagram, twitter and facebook of our favorite show, we were in choir together, marching band and the musical.

At one point, we kind of just stopped talking unless we had to. I don't remember why, but it happened. I honestly was jealous at one point because you always got what you wanted in the musical. I was mad because you grew up doing the shows. You had a really good relationship with the director and your parents helped out A LOT. I thought you got certain parts because of that. Maybe you didn't, but it seemed that way. The one that really made me mad though was when you got to tap dance. 75% or more of the people in that number had never taken a dance class before, nor did they own tap shoes. I had been taking tap for a few months, one because I missed it and wanted to start again, but two because I really wanted to be in that number. It was the one thing I wanted to be a part of if I didn't get a part I wanted. I had asked the choreographer if she was going to use anyone other than dancers for that song and she said no. I was devastated and really mad. I honestly didn't want to do the show anymore, but I'm a theatre nerd, it was our last show, I loved the cast and just the experience.

After that, we didn't really talk. We took pictures at graduation, and we went to Hershey Park with some friends that summer, but since then, nothing. I've seen you a couple times at school concerts and we talk and are friendly, but it's not the same. I went to visit your roommate who is still one of my best friends, and you didn't say a word to me while I was there. I saw you during the Halloween parade, and you ignored me. Maybe you didn't see me, or were focusing on the routine, but you didn't even smile.

I have heard that you hate me, and that you have said "I thought we didn't like her."

Some people from high school that I never really talked to during school, but have since become closer with towards the end of senior year and since, have said they are extremely surprised that we no longer talk.

When I see you, I will continue to be friendly, because that's just who I am, but things just aren't the same.

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