The world, or at least television, has been altered thanks to Bravo's social experiment turned industry, The Real Housewives of Orange County. Someone had the bright idea to film a group of five women in the lavish, gated communities in Orange County, California and what emerged was an entire franchise devoted to groups of rich, emotionally unstable, women. Quality may not be at the forefront for the show, but entertainment definitely is. And after 10 seasons and 18 housewives, I've been able to create a definitive list of every housewife to grace us with their antics. Grab yourself a glass of wine and brace yourself:
18) Quinn Fry.
All there really was to remember about Quinn’s run on the show was that both her faith and her love for younger men were strong and kicking. Other than that, she didn’t give us much to work with. Props to you, but you’re last on the list, Quinn, because that’s all I can recall about you.
17) Lizzie Rovsek.
Lizzie is one of the few housewives that still stirred the pot, but didn’t totally piss everyone off. Her time on the show was short-lived but she made cute bathing suits. You go girl. You’re still 17th on the list though.
16) Kimberly Bryant.
Kimberly may be an originating housewife, but the only thing I can remember is that her tagline was “85% of the women around here have breast implants.” Since I love a good fun fact, you’re at spot number 16, Kimberly.
15) Jo De La Rosa.
While Jo was only with us for the first two seasons, there’s something that always made you wish she stayed on for a little bit longer. But, there was a piece of Jo that stayed with us even after she left: Slade Smiley. Because I’d love to see how Jo would’ve turned out on the show, she’s getting ranked to 15 on the list. You might’ve been higher, Jo, if you stayed on/didn’t introduce Slade Smiley to the world. (CC: Lauri and Gretchen)
14) Lydia McLaughlin.
Lydia falls into the trap that many single-season housewives do… they’re so normal that they’re boring to watch. Let’s be real, millions of people don’t watch this show to watch normal people go to events, have stable relationships, and go about their merry ways, we watch them because they’re ticking time bombs and it’s entertainment it its finest form. Lydia, while she was probably the most genuinely kind-hearted person to ever be a housewife, was too normal, which lands her in 14th.
13) Peggy Tanous.
Peggy was a housewife for one season and all that can be remembered is that she loved guns and used to love Alexis Bellino’s husband—equal parts terrifying and kind of gross. That’s sort of all we got from her season, leading her into the 13th spot.
12) Tammy Knickerbocker.
I always really liked Tammy. She didn’t get too involved with drama and with the death of her ex-husband Lou, she really did try and hold it together. It’s like every time she came on the screen i just wanted to hug her. Also, I don't believe anyone really hated her. You go, Tammy. Enjoy 12th!
11) Kelly Dodd.
It may not necessarily be a requirement, but it is encouraged to say ridiculous, somewhat mean, things to be on this show. Kelly took this and ran with it as the newest housewife in O.C. Sure, allegations and names are called by all the women for the most part, but its usually followed with some sort of half-assed apology. Oh no, Kelly does not give a flying you-know-what about anything that comes out of her mouth. This is a very bold move for your first season, Kel, but beware of the patterns that follow the Real Housewives franchise—housewives who are mean and unlikeable all the time don’t stick around for long. For those reasons, you’re down at spot 11. Be nice.
10) Lynne Curtin.
The thing about Lynne was that you loved her, but you hated her kids. The combination of teen angst and a black card just do not go together, and Lynne could not keep up with them. You were always between feeling like you wanted to shake her and tell her to get them together, or that you just needed to hand her a glass of wine cause good lord she was dealing with a lot. Also being in between Tamra and Gretchen had to have sucked so you’re 10th on the list, Lynne, just cause it seems like you need a break.
9) Lauri Peterson.
Lauri, Lauri, Lauri… Lauri was almost irrelevant being an original cast member who made it an impressive four seasons. And if you didn’t stir the pot enough in your hay day, you came back in season 8 and dropped a BOMB. Anyone else remember the infamous ski trip were Lauri told everyone Vicki’s extramarital rendezvous?? This was yet another example of why these women can never have a peaceful vacation. Little did Lauri know her accusations would only keep her on for a few episodes and then she’d be back to OC obscurity. Long story short, Lauri, you were like the kid who graduated high school three years ago who’s still trying to go to house parties with 16 year olds, which is why you’re 9th on the list. Go ride your horses.
8) Meghan King Edmonds.
Is everyone else in this weird place where you love Meghan but also like OH MY GOD WE GET IT YOU’RE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT? Cause that’s where I’m at. Meghan’s still relatively new to the O.C., so she still has some growing pains to deal with. But, I’ve always respected that she doesn’t really care about Vicki at all. Also, dealing with your step daughter who’s mom is battling cancer and only being 13 years old than her, she did it as gracefully as any human really could. While the housewives may not seem very “real” at moments, Meghan deals with very real things in her life, and for that, she’s landed at spot number 8.
7) Alexis Bellino.
During her run on the show, you were either rolling your eyes at Alexis or you really felt bad for her. She was picked on but you saw where the other women were coming from so you sort of swept it under the rug. I mean she thought Costa Rica was in Mexico... She was a ditz but she meant well. She was also given one of the original nicknames every donned on any Bravo series: "Jesus Jugs." Alexis may have been the butt of every joke, but her and Jim own multiple Sky Zone franchises so who's winning now?
6) Shannon Beador.
Shannon’s that one friend in your group who has to order water at the restaurant because she’s vegan-gluten intolerant-can’t eat anything because it’s chemically created. Honestly, props to her for being able to live off vitamins and holistic remedies cause I like cheeseburgers too much. Shannon really does mean well and looks out for her friends. We’ve also learned from her that it takes two years to get over an affair—fun fact! She also throws a great '70’s party (we all know you weren’t trying to look like Mrs. Roper, it’s okay). Because you’ve gotten less and less “extra” in these last few seasons, you’ve landed yourself a spot at number 6.
5) Jeana Keough.
Out of all the original housewives, Jeana really takes the cake. She had the best kids, got herself out of a bad marriage, and for lack of a better term, took no s**t. Was she kind of mean? I mean yeah, but it was the honest kind-of-mean that you really appreciated. And of all the obstacles that were thrown in Jeana’s way (like a glass of wine, CC: Tamra). Jeana spent the perfect amount of time on the show: not too little but she also didn’t overstay her welcome. Stay humble, Jeana, at number 5 on the list.
4) Gretchen Rossi.
You never really knew if you loved or hated Gretchen, and I respect that air of mystery about her. You wanted to think she was this bimbo when she was dating Jeff who was 24 years her senior and who was losing his battle with Leukemia, but you still felt for her because none of the housewives liked her. You always fight for the underdog, you know? Then she starts dating Slade Smily, aka the serial O.C. housewives dater (RE: Jo and Lauri), who may or may not be paying his child support? Again with the mystery, Gretch. And let us never forget the season her and Tamra were BFF’s and Vicki’s head was about to blow up (one of the best seasons, in my opinion). No doubt that Gretchen was done dirty at Tamra’s bachelorette weekend in Mexico when Vicki snatched back the “BFF” title from her. You can’t have it all forever, and sadly, Gretchen fell back to being the outcast. Nothing lasts forever, but handbag lines are eternal. Enjoy spot number 4, Gretchen.
3) Vicki Gunvalson.
Whoop it up, but not too loud, cause you’re only at number 3, Vicki. I will not doubt that Vicki has played a part in the show’s success. I mean, she is the last woman standing from the original season. And there’s no doubt that she’s been through some real B.S. because of the show, but because she cannot get down off her pedestal she put herself on, she landed herself the bronze. Between the Brooks cancer scam, repeatedly claiming that this show is “her’s,” and repeatedly calling herself the “O.G. of the O.C.,” you just want to roll your eyes. We get it Vicki, you’re the oldest one here, but please stop whooping so loudly. You do throw a good bunco party though, and I have to give you that.
2) Heather Dubrow.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love fancy pants Heather Dubrow. For probably being the richest housewife of the O.C. franchise, she really is the most real and least senile. She may have spent $500,000 on cabinets but we all get take-out sometimes when we know damn well we have food at home to cook. (It’s called treat yo’ self for a reason) Also, if you’re telling me Terry isn’t the best husband to be on O.C. you’re lying. Heather might be the friend to correct your grammar, but she’d at least text you about it rather than commenting on the actual post. Congrats on number two Heather, hope no one eats the bow on your cake!
1) Tamra Judge.
The number one spot goes to Mrs. Tamra Judge. Is Tamra the nicest, most humble, or most endearing housewife in O.C.? not in the slightest. But, she has changed the most. From being the *self-proclaimed* hottest housewife in Orange County, throwing wine in people’s face, getting out of an abusive marriage, dealing with the biggest problem child ever, meeting the real love her life, becoming a body builder/motivational speaker, and last but not least, finding Jesus. Tamra’s most impressive act on the show, however, is that she has been friends and has been enemies with every single person on the show at one point or another. You’ve loved her, you’ve hated her, and in the end that’s all you want from a reality television show: emotional duress. Keep doing you, Tamra, enjoy your spot at the top.
