About two years ago, Psychology Today published a blog post discussing social psychology researcher Arthur Aron's 36 questions that claimed to be able to bring people closer. The questions range from, "Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?" to "Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing?" Some of the questions also require you and your partner to make statements about each other, such as finding things you have in common.
Following the release of the article, multiple news outlets and daytime talk shows discussed the questions and tried the experiment. Many claimed the research was true, and they did indeed feel more connected with their partner after the experience, whether they had known them for a long time or not. Some people even wrote articles in response where they explained how they had found love through answering the questions.
Like most phenomena, however, buzz around the "36 Questions" dissipated after a week or two. I was among the group who had forgotten, until I found myself cleaning out the bookmarks tab on my web browser and found the old link sandwiched right between "The Neurotic Writer's Guide to Applying for an MFA" and an instructional video on audio editing. Since I was already in search for a distraction from homework, I gave it a look.
I decided to revitalize these questions and retest the theory. I spoke with my three suite mates with whom I am not extremely close, as well as my mother and my best friend. After a couple of hours, lots of serious pondering, and a realization that food has a very large part in many people's lives, I can't honestly say I felt any closer to the people I had spoken with.
Perhaps this is because the questions can be a little trivial. While yes, they do indeed reveal things about whomever is answering them, they aren't necessarily important things. For the people I wasn't close to, I learned things about them, but they weren't the kind of things that brought us closer. For those I was already close to, I felt reassured of our relationship when I could already guess their answers before they confirmed them. But in general? There didn't seem to be a difference.
The questions say they lend themselves mostly to dates. In fact, one of my suite mates revealed she had gone through them with her current boyfriend. I'm not sure if I would be able to bring them to the table on my next outing with a potential significant other, but (at the risk of sounding too psychoanalytical) that might be saying more about my resistance to love than the actual questions.
I'll leave the decision in your hands. Take another look at the questions, and put your love to the (Internet's) ultimate test.
