Dear Madeline Smith,

I have just one question for you as I begin my response to your article. Have you actually been in an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship before, Miss Smith? Because if you haven’t, then I can see why you would write such an irritating article; mainly because you’ve never experienced manipulation or the stinging feeling of a palm across your face. Something that really interested me as well in your article is that you never used the word “I” once in a way that shows how you have experienced what you’re talking about… you really have no credibility, therefore, it pisses people like me off, who actually know what you’re talking about.

So here’s the thing, Miss Smith, I think your article is trash.

You begin by mentioning how other articles that are “floating around” about the perfect boyfriend are great because, and I quote, “we all need a little love and positivity.” I’m sorry, but only a little? Do you plan on giving the person you marry a little love? And the kids you may or may not have, are you going to give them a little love as well? Do you think that your parents did you right by giving you a little love? Are you completely ignorant that you really and HONESTLY believe that to get by in life, you only need a little tiny bit of love? Because if that’s the world you live in, I don’t want to ever get there.

“Date the guy who is going to belittle you. The one who will make you feel disposable. Assure your friends and family he isn’t as bad as he seems, that he’s just busy and you totally understand why he can never make plans with you. Date the guy who doesn’t ask about your day, your family, how you’re feeling, or anything else that matters to you that you so desperately want to know about him. Date the guy who is going to treat you like a chapter out of a book while you want the whole novel from him.”

Miss Smith, this quotation from your writing is just ONE of 293,784,238,752,903,754,390 problems with this article. Do you understand that being decent is expected? Or has the world really gone to hell that no one can actually expect another human being to be kind to them?

"If you don’t believe me, then maybe you’ll believe Amy Thomson, a domestic abuse survivor."

Her story comes from DomesticShelters.org. Amy tells us that when she first started dating her abuser, he was “a knight in shining armor.” But eventually, as things progressed, he would snap at her for asking him simple questions. He would write it off as a bad day, and she could ignore it because it wasn’t normally like him. But then it got worse as time went on. He would make comments about the clothes she would wear and the makeup she put on. This man hit her, ruined her credit and acted like an angel in front of her family. Miss Smith, does this seem like the kind of situation that YOU would like to be in? It certainly doesn’t seem like the one I would like to be in.

You say that when the break up finally happens to let the pain consume you. Miss Smith, what if that break up never comes? "About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence. 75% of those deaths occur as the women were trying to leave." That’s okay to you? Because in the end, they’ll realize what they actually deserved, right?

Makes sense, except they’re dead.

“And then you’ll find the guy who doesn’t hurt you. You’ll meet the guy who asks about your family and goes out of his way to make plans with you. And you’ll be hesitant, because you know you can’t survive what you went through again. But the guy who cares about you is going to listen when you need to talk, be there when you need to cry, bring you ice cream when you’re having a bad day and insist you two watch the stupid love story you know he doesn’t really want to see. But it will mean the world to you.”

Hm… this paragraph strikes me funny. Miss Smith, do you realize that you’re setting an example here. By writing for the Odyssey, you’ve been given a voice and one you should use for good. A voice to help the people who read your articles, not one to sabotage them. Don’t you understand that girls as young as twelve years old can find your articles? You want them to read this as think, “Yes! When I look for a boyfriend, I want one that will hurt me emotionally and scar me so I’m an emotional wreck for the next person who comes along! Sounds great!” Man, am I sorry for whoever took this article seriously.

Let me say this to you, Miss Smith, when someone has been abused it alters the way they see themselves. They don’t automatically think “Oh! I didn’t actually deserve all that bull crap I put up with in my last relationship!” Instead, it goes more along the lines of hating themselves, being depressed, being suicidal, self-harm, lashing out in anger, rejecting anyone who tries to love them again. Whether it’s their family, their friends, or another significant other.

“No guy is going to be perfect, but date the guy who knows that and admits that and apologizes and makes it up to you when he hurts you. Date the guy who knows he isn’t perfect, and who knows you aren’t either, but still stays and makes things work because together, you two are pretty close to perfect.”

This seems to be the only line in your article that I agree with. No one is perfect, but let me tell you something, anyone who stays with you despite everything you’ve ever been through, in a healthy and loving way, is worth keeping.

Miss Smith, I hope you never, ever experience domestic abuse. It’s not a joke and it isn’t something most women and men are proud of. I know that the survivors who do get out and get help realize that their experience will make them a stronger person. None of it happens overnight because it’s a healing process.

To all the women and men who read this article and have been a victim of some kind of abuse: I want you to know you are loved, you are kind and beautiful and special and worth fighting for. You were not a mistake, you are not a joke and your dreams and ambitions DO matter. You WILL find someone who treats you with respect and offers you the love and support you need.