My Inner Anxiety Monologue
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

My Inner Anxiety Monologue

It's sneaky. It's scary. It's taking too much from me. I know I'm not alone

32285
My Inner Anxiety Monologue
https://www.google.com/search?q=silhouette&biw=1536&bih=723&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwimmKL7iMPQAhVI4iYKHW7DAjYQ_AUIBigB#tbm=isch&q=sad+girl+photography&imgrc=s3gVqolcP00RwM%3A

I just want to relax. I just want a moment when I don’t feel like there’s something wrong.

Just a moment when I don’t feel so exhausted.

I’m so tired.

Tired of the way that my head throbs when I try to relax.

Tired of the thoughts that seep into my cranium, penetrating my every rare moment of silence.

The thoughts knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

They unwelcomingly burst in and disturb my happiness.

It’s almost as though they want me to be negative, sad, to destroy everything that’s good for me.

The thoughts I have…

The thoughts of life. Wondering what I did wrong in the smallest of situations.

“Why did I think that?”

“Why did I Say that?”

“What are they thinking of me right now?”

“I know they said we were cool but are we really?”

“What if they change their mind?”

“What if they didn’t want to hurt my feelings?”

“What if they never speak to me again?”

My heart rate escalates and all of a sudden I can hear it beating in my ears, it’s consumed my head. Making me unable to think.

The emotion takes over.

“I have to go solve the problem. I have to go now.”

But I can’t go anywhere, because it’s 1:30 in the morning and I know I’ll look insane calling you up or driving to you to fix a problem that I created in my head.

So I lie there in silence.

...

Then the silence creeps in to replace the thoughts.

Who knew that silence could be so damn loud.

Play music. That’ll ease my mind.

Except for I can’t even listen to one song all the way through because my mind won’t focus.

The lyrics become meaningless. Every song sounds the same. They all mesh together.

I try so hard to take deep breaths. I try so hard.

In through your nose.

Out through your mouth.

Just like mom says.

My heart is pulsating so quickly, I can feel it in my whole chest.

I'm convinced it'll be too much for me to handle.

I find it hard to breathe.

Tears are welling in my eyes.

It’s hot all of a sudden I can feel my cheeks going red.

My mind is becoming light, I’m floating, for a moment.

But it’s not good.

I’m uncontrollably floating into the unknown realm of my own mental prison.

It’s choking me.

It’s pinning me to the bed that is providing no comfort to begin with

And the power of that little monster inside me is taking over me. It’s winning.

Anxiety.

Such a small word. Such a huge impact.

My mind is engulfed in my flaws, my fears, my worst nightmares.

I am swallowed in the problems that I made up. The problems that at aren’t there. They steal my every moment. They rob me of enjoying my life.

All of a sudden, it stops.

And I’m so…tired.

I’m worn out from all that stress. Time to relax.

Maybe the sleep isn’t that good but it’s something, right?

I say that tomorrow will be better, when really….

From Your Site Articles
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

95784
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments