I honestly don’t know what to say.

I keep hoping that one day, one gloriously beautiful day, I’ll wake up and not see a single article about deaths, shootings or hate crimes on the news.

I keep hoping. And maybe, just maybe, that day will come.

But that day is not today.

I found out about the Orlando Florida Massacre from my mother, who was at work in New York. She called me to check on our new puppy, who I had been watching, and after a few minutes mentioned that a family friend of ours was calling in.

She said, “So and so is calling. I’ll call you back. There was a major shooting in Orlando at a night club where I think his brother might have gone.”

I hung up the phone, got back to doing chores, but a few hours later, finally got to my computer. I checked Facebook first, out of habit. I began to read my friends’ thoughts and prayers for a better world. Several of my friends who identify as LGBTQ expressed feelings of heartbreak and numbness. Several others who are allies expressed solidarity with those affected and a hope for a time when moments like this and days like this cease to happen.

After scrolling, I decided to pull up an actual news article. I opened a second tab and clicked on an article from the Associated Press. The article said that the night before, a 29-year-old man, claiming to pledge allegiance to the Islamic State, shot and killed at least 50 people at Pulse, an LBGTQ nightclub in Orlando. In addition to killing 50, he critically injured at least 53 more.

Hospitals were working diligently, the article said. The death told would most likely rise, the article said.

This was the deadliest mass shooting in history, the article said.

Halfway through reading, I was in tears. I am so sick of seeing articles like this, of hearing about events like this. Of seeing and hearing and feeling hatred every single day.

The Associated Press article also mentioned that the motive for the shooting may have stemmed from the fact that the shooter was angry at seeing two men kiss.

I am disgusted to know that I live in a country where my friends—the people I love -- constantly have to live in fear of being murdered just for being themselves and for loving who they love. I am disgusted to know that I live in a country where people can no longer feel safe in places that were created for that purpose. I am disgusted to know that having fun, being with friends, and enjoying oneself now comes with the price of life.

And furthermore, I am disgusted to know that I live in a country where everyone seems to be up in everyone else’s business. Honestly, let’s be real for a second. Why do people care so much about who another person loves? Or what they do with their time? Why do people in this country believe that they have a right to know what everyone else is doing? What gives us the right to stick our noses where we don’t belong?

Why do we hate those who are different from us? I don’t know, but I’ll spend a lifetime trying to find the answer.