As some of you may have seen, there was an article that was passed around the Internet, that was authored by one of my fellow Odyssey writers explaining why “Girls Love The Dad Bod". Mackenzie Pearson, a sophomore at Clemson, has received many accolades and praises since the article went viral. She has been interviewed by GQ, NY Magazine, and a host of other national publications, and she was even featured on Good Morning America.
As a proud member of the #DadBodSquad, I'd like to author a response to Mackenzie in hopes that she somehow reads it and has a nice chuckle. So, here we go.
Dear Mackenzie,
I wanted to personally thank you for bringing to light the wonderment and pure awesome that is the Dad Bod. As a proud member of the #DadBodSquad, I am thrilled that someone has finally recognized the greatness that the Dad Bod deserves. In your article, you listed a few reasons why women love this body type, and they are all completely true. I'd like to give you a few reasons why those of us who rock the Dad Bod are extremely fond of it as well.
It is ridiculously easy to maintain.
Have you ever heard a fit guy say something along the lines of “I can't wait to go to the gym!", because I never have. Going to the gym takes time, effort, and willpower that is figuratively and literally exhausting. That effort can be focused onto something much more important and meaningful, like day drinking a full case of beer on the fraternity house front lawn, and eating an entire large pizza from your local Hungry Howie's. There are a few important things to remember when maintaining your Dad Bod, and the effort you put into doing so.
1. The most physical activity you do should either be playing for your fraternity intramural teams, or your semi-drunken/hungover stumble to class the morning after you drink an absurd amount of bottom shelf whiskey.
2. Your meals from Thursday afternoon to Sunday morning should most definitely come from a bag.
3. Last but not least: portion control, or lack thereof. When you're hungry, you eat until you are hungry no more. It's as simple as that.
It has multiple functions.
Drum? Check. Pillow? Check. Protection? Check.
Have you ever seen a guy at a pool get drunk enough that he begins to play his stomach like a drum? No? Then I guess you've never been to the pool with me before. The sound it makes and the joy it brings to the instrumentalist are nothing short of wonderful.
Another function that the Dad Bod can provide, is its usefulness as a pillow for your significant other. Nothing is better than having that special someone use your chest/stomach as a pillow while laying in bed after a nap.
The last function that I mentioned is protection. While being drunk is probably the most fun you can have with intentional dehydration, sometimes you're going to get some bumps and bruises. With a little bit of fat around the edges, some of those bumps and bruises can be avoided. That beer pong table you ran into? No bruise there. That patch of woods you ran through after you may or may not have taken something from your rival fraternity? Not a bump or bruise on you. I'm no doctor, but there's got to be a biological advantage to having a Dad Bod that keeps you from sustaining bumps and bruises.
Women LOVE It.
Last but not least, and probably the most obvious reason those of us who sport the Dad Bod love it, is that nowadays, women have a ridiculous and seemingly-out of-nowhere obsession with it. No more are the days of being beaten out in the girlfriend/bar hookup sweepstakes by the guy who looks like Michelangelo himself chiseled him from stone. No, women from Texas to Virginia (because who the heck cares about the West or the North?) have fueled the greatness behind the Dad Bod. Why has this obsession finally come to the forefront? We may never know, but I will take full advantage of it while I still have the opportunity, since I foresee the man bun taking the place of the Dad Bod in the not-so-distant future.
So there you have it, just a few of the many reasons why those of us men who rock the Dad Bod, love it.
War Eagle, Y''all.
