Not having kids is a wonderful choice, just as choosing to have kids is also a wonderful choice. There is no right or wrong side of the coin when it comes to this particular topic. I have struggled with this decision for a few years, but I think I have come to the solid conclusion that I do not want to have children of my own at all.
My journey has been one of self-questioning as well as challenging society’s expectations of me. I grew up with a sense of self that I would one day go to a great college, get a great job, meet a great guy and end up with a great family of my own. When I was old enough to start understanding how much college and life really costs, that's when things became a little shaky in my pre-thought-out world. I grew up knowing my parents were not going to be paying for my schooling, that if I wanted it I had to pay for it.
After seeing my tuition costs from freshman year, it was a bit of a shock to me that there were parents out there paying their children’s entire tuition bill. I also learned some arbitrary statistic at one point that over the course of 18 years, a single child can cost about $250,000!
I also explored myself and my personality. I have babysat before, and I enjoy hanging out with the kids for a majority of the time. I enjoy watching them learn new things and I think it’s crazy I was at that developmental stage once. It’s when they don’t listen that bothers me. Or how messy they are. Or how much energy they contain despite running around the yard 27 times. It’s exhausting. Shout out to my mom and dad who obviously put up with all of this times two with my sister and I when we were little -- thanks! As I said, I like to hang out with kids, but that's knowing I can go back to my quiet home and not have to worry about any of the kid stuff. It's just me and my animals.
Besides all the obstacles and sticky occurrences of adolescence, the actual process of birth and pregnancy do not appeal to me at all. I’ve had people tell me it’s all worth it, but if I’m not even attracted to the final result, what makes them think I want to go through nine months of body changes and end up dropping a small bowling ball from my bottom? None of this sits right with me.
It also bothers me when people who don’t even know me tell me I’ll have different thoughts later in life. Excuse me, but you (society) are the same people telling me I have to pick a career path at 18 years old, I have to have credit built up to buy a home or a car and I have to graduate with a four-year degree. Yet, you don't think I am capable or ready to make the "life altering" decision to not have children? There seems to be no logic there.
To give the benefit of the doubt to these seemingly well-intentioned people, I would consider adoption later in life if I was in the position to do so. But as far as the actual pregnancy process goes, it’s not happening to my body.
In short, I just want society at large and my family and friends to not look at me like some alien creature or naive young woman when I express my sentiments on wanting to be childless. Everyone can respect my decision to graduate college early to have less student debt. They respect me when I want (and will have) a double major and a minor by said early graduation date. They also respect me when I have eaten half a pizza because finals week is stressing me out. They respect me when I want to stay late at a friend’s house because we’re having a great conversation. Or when I want to see a certain movie or read a book, they all respect me and leave me to my decisions. So please, respect me when I say I don’t want kids, because it’s disrespectful to think you know what I want for myself.
