New Year’s resolutions are such a fickle and funny thing. Why we think we will gain the resolve on Thursday that we didn’t have on Wednesday, simply because four transitions to five on the end of some numbers with slashes, I do not know.    

I love new beginnings, fresh starts, and working towards goals, but I also think we creatures of habit are a little overly ambitious with our goal setting (particularly the physical ones). We load up on things that we obviously weren't motivated enough to make happen in the previous years so, why now?    

So, to save you some disappointment down the road, I've compiled a list of resolutions that perhaps you, yourself, have made that you have an 85% chance of not actually doing:    

-“I’m going to cook more.” Did you also resolve to drop all other extracurriculars this year? Because I’ve found cooking and busy schedules don’t play nice together.     

-“Drink less alcohol” My first question: Are you a college student? If yes, question two: Are you pursuing a career as a comedian? Congratulations, you’re hilarious.     

-“Call my mom more.” That’s a thing, right? Calling your mom..

-“Drop 10 lbs” I give you three at best, to be quickly reversed by Valentines time.  

-“Stop smoking.” It’s 2015, why are you smoking anyways, are you stupid?

-“I will get a 4.0 ” This is a lovely goal to have. But realize it is easy to say on January first, but much more difficult to execute in the weeks prior to and after spring break, through all your friends spring birthday weekends, in the days leading up to finals, and well, really just once syllabus week ends.

-“Acquire a talent that will land me a killer act in the circus.” This one is a little more individual-specific, but if it’s one of yours, good luck to you because entertaining people is hard these days.    

-and “Watch less TV.” No, that’s a good one. You can do that.     

I’m not trying to be a dream-crushing pessimist here, I just don’t want you setting yourself up for failure. I recommend setting your sights on something more metaphysical and abstract: a building block for the future you, if you will, rather than a quantifiable, acute goal. I picked, “shut up and listen more,” “be more aware” and, um, “find myself.”  We will see where those take me. 

Happy 2015 all!