In many instances, the "A" in "LGBTQIA+" is like the "a" in "logically"—
silent. And logically, one would think that all identities in the acronym would be discussed within the community. Unfortunately, asexuality is surrounded by a bubble of silence. While other identities also need more discussion, asexuality is treated differently from even other largely excluded labels. For one, it's not even commonly believed to be real, only that it is a disorder or hormone issue. Inside the community, there are still some who will insist that the "A" stands for "Ally" and only ally, that asexuals don't need to be part of the community because they aren't "truly" oppressed. In fact, many LGBTQ+ individuals feel that asexuals do not belong and that, if they are heteroromantic (romantic attraction to the opposite gender), they are straight and do not deserve to be in it because of straight privilege.Those people are wrong. While asexuals do not experience the same legal-based discrimination and religious scorn as lesbians and gays do, or the exclusion and ridicule that transgender individuals do in the fight to keep them out of certain bathrooms and steer them away from their preferred gender, asexuals have their own set of issues that negatively impact the person and make it clear they are not largely accepted by society. We are not "straight" in a sexual sense, and although we can generally "pass" and avoid conflict in daily life, it's not the same.
There are many ways in which we can feel isolated, not welcome and not understood by/connected with our peers. For example, a common social response to asexuality is a joke about how asexuals must be plants or reproduce by budding or splitting in two. While the intentions might not be harmful, this normalizes the dehumanization of asexual individuals, showcases the ignorance and the lack of information out there about asexuality aside from high school biology class (which was asexual reproduction, not even asexuality) and implies that without conventional sexuality, someone is stripped of their humanity. Up until last year, not knowing I'm demisexual negatively impacted my interpersonal relationships. It caused a lot of confusion, pain and bad decisions.
As I mentioned before, asexuals (or "aces") are doubted and not even believed. We're told we "just need to sleep with more people," "just need to get hormones checked," "just need to find the right person" and other invalidating responses. If we are believed, we might be treated like science experiments, poked and prodded with inappropriate questions about sex life (which yes, some of us have sex lives), self-pleasure, what it's like to date us and pornography consumption. These are questions one wouldn't normally just ask someone out of curiosity.
Even more than that, asexuals are raped with the specific intention to "cure" them of their asexuality. This behavior is coined "corrective rape." It happens to other community members as well. Individual aces can also be harassed and subjected to violence, especially women, due to adamant rejection of sexual advances. It is clear that society still cannot process and accept the wide range of human sexuality or the idea that one's sexual attraction can function independently of one's romantic attraction. In other words, aces can fall in love, be in relationships and have sex, or relationships without sex, and that confuses the sh*t out of people and leads to volatile responses.
Aces' lack of sexual attraction has nothing to do with their sexual behavior. One can have sex for many reasons, including procreating and the pleasure of the other person. Aces can have a libido, which is simply a general desire for sexual activity, not an attraction to any specific person. It is the difference between general hunger and cravings for specific foods. Other aces simply want to cuddle and kiss without having intercourse. Obviously, expression varies from person to person and depends on whether they are sex-repulsive (don't want sex for themselves and find it icky). But a lack of sexual attraction does not mean the person never has sex, and it certainly doesn't mean they're forever alone. Even if they never have sex, that doesn't make them not human and it is perfectly okay. We can choose to have sex or not, and have a relationship or not, like any other person, but we cannot change our lack of attraction. However, that does not mean it controls us.
There have been several studies on asexuality done, but most recently, these studies have validated asexuality as a legitimate human sexuality. Researchers found it is not due to any biological issue or disorder, rather that it's a state of being with which the person was born. To put another way: there is nothing wrong with asexuals. Another study over a decade ago found that self-identified asexuals are 1 percent of the population. But logic says that there are more asexuals out there than that. How so? Simply because of the lack of information available to people about asexuality and the opportunity to label themselves as asexual. They simply go about their days feeling "other" when it comes to love, relationships and sex, but not knowing quite why. Through social media, I have found people aged 50 and up who experienced such relief in finding out about asexuality. They went their whole life not knowing why they were struggling with relationships and sex so much. There are likely a lot of people in my own subcategory of grey-asexuals as well, a group which is full of many identities, but generally those who conditionally experience sexual attraction.
There has to be more information on the subject out there and circulated. When youth learn of homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality (which also needs more attention) and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community, the A should be explained, too. Aces should have the resources to realize they're aces. It needs to be a part of the acronym which we pronounce; even if it helps one child understand themselves better and save them the emotional pain and insecurity, it's worth it.
Find out more about asexuality:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/
http://www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VicXQ7ZAF84
http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1518-6...
