Being in a relationship is fun, no matter how old you are. Healthy relationships, along with all the inside jokes and romantic dates and occasional arguments that come with them, should be viewed positively. Many high school relationships often involve spending a lot of time together. I mean A LOT of time. While there is nothing wrong with enjoying your partner's company, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
It is completely natural to want to spend time with your significant other. Whether you choose to eat at a fancy restaurant, watch a movie at home, or even run errands together. You simply enjoy being with one another. However, spending every second of every day with your partner could result in issues down the road.
For example, it is common for people to spend less time with their friends after getting involved in a romantic relationship. This can have negative impacts for several reasons. First, ditching plans with friends to hang out with your boyfriend/girlfriend will only upset your friend. Nobody wants to feel like a third wheel or a second choice. Additionally, losing touch with friends means that there is nobody to talk to if your relationship goes downhill. In the event of a breakup, you will find yourself more alone than ever. In order to avoid these issues, learn to balance your relationships. Divide your free time between your family, friends, and significant other. This should help you maintain healthy relationships with all important people in your life.
At the same time that people lose focus on friendships, they also begin to lose sight of themselves. These people begin to let their relationships define who they are as individuals. They only go out and participate in activities if they are with their partner. They become less involved in hobbies that they used to love. Instead, they spend every waking moment with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Sound familiar?
I understand the struggle of maintaining a feeling of independence while being in a relationship. I have been in my current relationship for about a year and four months. Within these past 16 months, I have spent a lot of time with my boyfriend. We are constantly going out to the Hampstead Diner for breakfast, taking hikes at Pretty Boy, cooking dinner for the family, and watching the newest movies on Netflix. Even grocery shopping can be fun when we're together. I enjoy every second we spend together, regardless of what we are doing.
On the other hand, I also really enjoy being alone. I have an introverted personality and prefer reading in bed over going to a loud party. Despite this fact, I often choose plans with my boyfriend over taking time to myself. Recently, I have realized that it is not a crime to want space in a relationship. It is not wrong to want to do things by yourself, even if it is something that your partner would enjoy doing with you. You are allowed to be independent while being in a relationship. In fact, maintaining your independence and individuality is crucial in having a healthy relationship.
That being said, I decided to take a day to myself. I did some yoga, threw on a cute outfit, grabbed a book and my journal, and drove to Westminster. Destination: Cup Tea Bar and Cafe. At first, I was nervous. Not because I have separation anxiety from my boyfriend, but because being introverted often leads to feeling uneasy in public places. However, I felt relief once I entered the cafe. I love the atmosphere of cafes. From the smell to the decoration, everything is so inviting. I was especially in love with the music selection. After hearing "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers, "Bang the Doldrums" by Fall Out Boy, and "Victorious" by Panic! at the Disco, I knew I was in the perfect place. After placing my order, I opened up my book and let myself drift into the novel. It wasn't long before I was sipping on a latte and eating one of the best salads of my life. After lunch, I went for a walk along Main Street. I found myself in small art galleries and thrift shops before eventually heading home.
Taking myself on a "date" was definitely an enlightening experience. It reminded me that I was able to go out alone and enjoy time to myself. Additionally, it reminded me that I don't have to be glued to my boyfriend in order to have fun. Taking the time to read, write, and the walk was something I didn't know I needed. It was satisfying to be able to pay for my own meal and make decisions without first asking another person's opinion.
For anyone in a relationship, remember not to lose sight of who you are as an individual. Focus on your relationship while also making an effort to take care of yourself. Remind yourself that it is perfectly acceptable to put yourself first. Allow yourself to be independent. Take time to do the activities that you enjoy most, even if it means doing them alone. You'll be surprised at how much it impacts your happiness and improves your relationship.
