I'm going to be completely transparent here (surprise, surprise). This is a hard thing for me to admit not only to others but also to myself.

My friends and family have told me this time and time again and all I did was shake my head and deny, deny, deny...yet I know that it's inevitably the cold, hard truth. "Finding somebody" that can make me feel special or wanted or attractive has always been super important to me.

I always thought that finding validation from a guy was the golden key to me being truly happy and finding confidence within myself.

It took me falling in love and finally getting the guy after putting up with a lot of crap and mistreatment, only to get heartbroken in the end to realize how incredibly untrue that is. I'm not saying that every guy will treat you badly and cheat on you and make you miserable, but I sure as hell know that not one man has ever been able to solve my problems.

If anything, the only thing a man (boy) has done for me is serve as an extra headache. Life is hard enough, why let an unpredictable, untrustworthy, unreliable, and emotionally unavailable person dictate your moods and play any kind of role in how you feel about yourself?

I've let how boys treat me affect how I viewed myself too many times to count.

I thought I must not be good enough, I must be super weird and ugly, I must be unlovable...just because I put my self-esteem and self-worth in the wrong hands. I shouldn't even be putting those things in anybody's hands, period.

And more often than not, people can tell when you're not confident within yourself. Insecurity is easily detected in many ways, and all it does is invite more mistreatment.

"If she doesn't respect herself, then why should I?"

If you're too eager to please, willing to chase somebody around instead of letting yourself be pursued, giving third, fourth, and fifth chances after being treated like a doormat, and allowing yourself to be available at anybody's beck and call at any given moment, then you might as well have a sign on your forehead that says "I need validation from you in order to feel like I matter." Don't be that girl anymore. For ANYONE.

A cute Instagram picture with your boo does not mean you've won at life.

A hand to hold or somebody to cuddle with you at night does not mean you will never feel sad again. Not even a guy buying you a diamond promise ring and getting your name tattooed on his ass will make him want to act right if loyalty simply isn't in his blood. Trust me on that one - based on personal experience.

The only person that will always make you feel loved and special is yourself.

And your family. And God, if you believe in that. It sounds so cliché. I can't tell you how many times somebody has told me, "A boy won't make you happy!" and I stubbornly thought to myself "…Yes, it will." No, it won't. You're better off getting a gym membership, a puppy, and a Hulu account so you can watch endless amounts of "Chopped" rather than letting your happiness be controlled by whether or not a guy is giving you enough attention.

A classmate and I were recently talking about our similar experiences with cheating and betrayal, and the last thing she said to me was: "Remember that being single is empowering!"

I used to think that being single meant I was unwanted.

Why would somebody who is attractive and desirable be single? I figured that I must not be those things if I wasn't being pursued or if I wasn't spoken for. How silly of a mindset that is.

Being single means you're comfortable enough with yourself to be alone. It means you're more concerned about looking out for yourself first. The world is your oyster when you're single.

I no longer have to revolve my post-grad life around where I'm moving with my boyfriend and I no longer have to feel inclined to shut down other opportunities in order to make things work with him and I. Now I can focus on what's best for me and live my best life, and that is empowering.

Genuine heartbreak might be hands-down one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced thus far, but at least I know that I can walk away from this situation feeling like a new woman rather than a girl who puts up with too much shit just so she can feel a false sense of security.

You will never catch me on the hunt for a man. Mark my words.

Those days are long gone. It's better to focus on your health and passions than to be desperately searching for somebody to hold your worth in their hands like a tiny bird.

Photo Credit: Unsplash