I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic high school. I go to a Catholic University. I was taught the values of love, forgiveness, and giving to others. However, as I got older and learned more about Christianity and Catholicism as well as other world religions, my faith changed.
I know some people will read this and tell me I need faith in God, that things happen for a reason and these are all lessons and situations that God placed me in so that I can learn and grow as a person. But, what about all of the corrupt and horrible things that happen to innocent people? I could go on and list all of the unfair things that happen in the world, but you get the idea. How are people in truly appalling situations - where their livelihoods and families are destroyed - supposed to step back from a traumatizing experience and say, well at least I know my God loves me, even if the people he created - in his image - don't.
I consider myself a spiritual person. I don't know if I believe in God, but I believe in something. I believe in something bigger than myself, larger than earth, something beyond the physical space we occupy.
And the reason I have a hard time putting faith into God is common, or obvious. Many people don't believe in things that they can't prove to be true. For me, there is also a disconnect between who God has been presented to me as, versus my own experiences. If there is a pure and almighty God who controls everything on earth; if this God is supposed to be loving and all things good, why do bad things happen?
But whatever I believe in - that higher power, whatever you want to call it - that is God. I feel it in my everyday life. The presence of those little miracles. Like being at the beach listening to the waves and staring at the sky. Or watching the sunrise and sunset every day. I feel that presence, too, in the people I love and care about. I feel that presence in myself. It exists all around me - and maybe that's what people call God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit.