Have you ever felt disconnected from your significant other?

I have. Multiple times. I'm right there with you. Relationships are not always full of butterflies in the stomach, cute glances, or winks from across the room.

Sometimes relationships are blah. Sometimes Isaac and I are not madly in love. (I know, hard to believe, right?) While ups and downs in relationships are normal, one thing that helps keeps Isaac and I connected emotionally is recognizing our individual needs.

Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," wrote his book to help couples recognize those individual needs in terms of "love languages". The purpose of identifying these love languages is to make couples aware of the ways to love each other best. Acting on your significant other's top love language essentially means their emotional needs will be met in the best way possible for them.

“If we learn to meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we’ve ever felt.” —Gary Chapman

These are the five love languages (in no particular order) from Gary Chapman's website:

1. Physical Touch

"Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive."

2. Words of Affirmation

"If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten."

3. Acts of Service

"Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter."

4. Quality Time

"In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful."

5. Receiving Gifts

"Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you."

I am extremely grateful for Mr. Chapman. He was definitely given wisdom from God that would impact countless relationships in a really big way.

It has definitely impacted ours.

My top three love languages are Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service. Isaac's are Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation. Now, you may notice that our lists are fairly different. If you and your significant other have the same love languages, you are already ahead of the game! It can be frustrating trying to focus on using the other person's love languages instead of our own, so having the same love language is definitely beneficial. Doing one activity together that makes you both feel emotionally satisfied must be really special.

Since we have different love languages, I always want to show Isaac I love him by buying things for him, cleaning up his messes, or handling things on his to-do list. The down side is that I am usually disappointed when he doesn't get really excited about those things! Isaac doesn't necessarily even like getting gifts (that ranked dead last on his quiz results) but I do it because I am trying to show him affection based on my love language. He does the same for me, often excited to just "hang out" and cuddle on the couch. That usually leaves me feeling happy, but also with a sense of discontent. However, since our love languages are so different, it is very obvious when Isaac is truly thinking of me. When he buys me a gift or washes the dishes for me, I know that Isaac is intentionally showing me how much he cares for me.

The last thing I want to say about love languages is this: they are an emotional need. Not a selfish desire. At the beginning of our relationship, I often felt distant from Isaac because we were only doing things that made him feel emotionally content. I, however, was frustrated because I couldn't figure out why he was so happy when we were together and I was so emotionally hollow. When I finally voiced my concern, I apologized for bringing it up because I felt silly; he wasn't being a bad boyfriend, I was just a little "off". I honestly felt selfish for pointing out that what we were doing together was not filling me emotionally. Isaac didn't let that thought stick around for long. He told me that love languages are not something we choose, they are just an observation of how we love. (Remember that wisdom I wrote about last week?) Because my love languages are a part of me, Isaac never ignores my frustration. He knows that the fulfillment of my love languages is essential to my emotional well-being.

And they are essential to yours.

You are different from your significant other in personality, that's normal. But most people don't realize the different emotional needs we have. If you are trying to figure out why you feel emotionally disconnected from your significant other, this may be helpful to you. It will not fix every problem, but it can make us realize what our needs are. Recognizing those needs can be monumental in a struggling relationship. It gives us a road map to healing, a chance to achieve emotional fullness.

So if you have never taken the quiz, I challenge you to try it out. I guarantee it will be an eye-opening experience!