5 Unrealistic Relationship Expectations
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Books And Movies Have Caused Us Ladies To Have 5 Unrealistic Expectations For Our Boyfriends

For All the women who, like me, struggle with separating fantasy from reality

Books And Movies Have Caused Us Ladies To Have 5 Unrealistic Expectations For Our Boyfriends

I'm the first to admit that I'm a screaming romantic as much as the next person. I'm an English major with a focus on romantic and Victorian literature, so It was inevitable that I would want flowers and fantasy. Which is fine, as long as I'm able to distinguish between the things I read in books and the nitty gritty of a real relationship.

Which, thanks to media representations of love, is incredibly hard to do. We watch movies with guys who declare their love in front of the entire school, who chase girls around the world just to tell them they love them. Books where significant others are attentive and sweet and their whole world revolves around the one they love.

But in real life, it's just a bit different, and sometimes it's difficult to remember that boyfriends are just ordinary—though hopefully incredibly cool—people.

And so, I try to remember that the following are unrealistic expectations to have for our significant others:

1. Wanting him to want you around all the time.

Nathan McBride

I am absolutely guilty of this, even though I know it's logically impossible to want someone around all the time. Everyone needs some alone time every once and a while to recharge. Including us. But as soon as it's his turn to ask for some space, we feel rejected, and start worrying that our person is getting tired of us. But, really, he's probably just tired, period.

2. Wanting him to communicate how women communicate.

Alex Holyoake

Yes, communication is key. But, we have to remember that men's brains are actually different than women's. We have twenty percent more neurotransmitters connecting the two sides of our brains, and we have language centers in both sides of our brains, where men only have a language center in one "left" side of their brain. I.e., they think in a much more straightforward, less circular manner. In addition, men replenish vital chemicals by shutting down and doing activities that don't require interaction. For women, the solution to being burnt out is to talk about it. So when you've had a long day and want to talk about it, and he's unresponsive, it's important to remember that he isn't mad at you or inattentive. It's just chemistry.

3. Expecting him to constantly be thinking about you.

Jamie Street

Hopefully, he thinks about you a lot. I'm sure you think about him. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I still think about him multiple times each day. But there are times when I'm focused on other things. Work, friends, running errands, whatever else comes my way each day. And the same goes for your guy. He's busy, he has things to do, and remember, he thinks about things in a much more straightforward way than you do. So, if he isn't on your mind, it isn't because he doesn't want to think about you, it's just that he has other things that he has to think about first, so he can free himself up to be all yours

4. Wanting him to always be in a good mood.

Hello I'm Nik

You have bad days, and so does he. The difference is, women are generally more introspective and empathetic, which translates to us thinking it's our fault when our guy is grumpy. But, it's important to remember that he will tell you if his mood is because of something you've done, and if—as is much more likely—it's just the result of a bad day, the last thing he wants is to have to reassure you that he loves you and that you haven't done anything wrong.

5. Expecting him to read your mind.

Pietro Tebaldi

He is not telepathic. And, even more than that, he probably isn't great at picking up on all the hints that you're giving him—super obvious to you maybe, but completely incomprehensible to him. Don't make him guess. Just tell him what's on your mind. If you're mad, tell him about it. If you're sad, let him know. If you want him to give you flowers more often, or be more consistent about texting you goodnight, or whatever else, just tell him. I guarantee, if he loves you, he'll rise to the challenge. And even more than that, he'll be glad to do it, because you were brave enough to speak up and tell him what you need.

Now, I know letting go of these expectations is easier said than done. I drive my boyfriend crazy with constant prodding when he's in a quiet mood. When he's grumpy, I'm terrible at just letting him be grumpy. I feel the unhelpful compulsion to try to fix it, which really just makes it worse in most cases. I want him to always be the one planning dates, asking me to come and study with him, and tell me where he is and what he's doing. But there has to be a balance in that. And when the balance skews so I'm the one planning all the dates, or I'm the one asking to hang out on campus, I'm the queen of subtle hints instead of outright saying what I'm thinking.

In part, it's because I want him to step up and figure it out, and in part, it's because I'm afraid if I tell him he'll think I'm needy or insistent. But really, every time I've spoken up, he's been more than happy about it. Because my bad moods are just as much a mystery to him as his are to me, and he wants to make me happy just as much as I want to make him happy.

So, though I have labeled these expectations as unfair—and they are—I'm not saying that you're doomed if you fall back on them. It happens. We aren't perfect. It's just important to remember that neither is he. Which is great, because that's what makes it fun. It's what allows you to grow and change together until you've mastered all the ins and outs of being together, and learn to have expectations suited for the real world. Which, in my opinion, is so much better than the fantasy I spent so long reading about. Because excuse the cliche, it's real.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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