The Scene:

Let’s say that you’re in a long-term serious relationship and happy. You spent the holidays or Valentine’s Day with them and you guys made it past Red Tuesday (the most popular day of the year to break up with someone) and you two are doing great.

Then it happens. You spot some person in your lecture hall. You’re immediately attracted to them.

Maybe you’re loyal enough to not try and make conversation with them, but as the weeks pass by, you notice that they still catch your eye. You notice when they say something insightful about the topic and will turn around in your chair to face them when they start talking. During particularly boring lecture periods, you find your mind wandering back to them from time to time and wondering about them.

“I wonder if we know any similar people?”

“Did that time they made eye contact and smiled at me mean that they’re interested in me?”

“They mentioned in class that one time that they were really into skiing. I wonder how often they go? I never have the time to go more than once a year, but I would love to do it all the time.”

Maybe you look them up on Facebook and go through their profile. Maybe you find that they seem to be just your type and that you two actually have a lot in common. Maybe you show this profile to your friend and they agree – that person is cute. Then maybe… you feel guilty and panic.

You just imagined what being with them romantically must be like! That’s crazy! You never thought you’d be the type of person to lose interest in your current S.O. in favor of this new person. What does that say about you? What does that say about your relationship? Should you break up with your S.O.?

Okay – cut tape – breathe.

If you saw yourself in any of the above scenarios, I want you to know that this situation may not be as dire as it seems and here’s why.

Spring fever, spring fling, summer lovin’ – whatever you want to call it – there is something about the rise in temperature in the early months of the year that makes people curious about new relationships and new starts. Gone are the days of focusing on serious relationships like the holidays and Valentine’s Day, and now with obligations past, we find ourselves with wandering eyes toward new romantic prospects.

When this interest happens, people tend to fill themselves with doubt and question how happy they really are in their present situations. This causes ungrouping and regrouping of people into couples, and while it makes sense, I argue that the decision to break off one person for the other is often made in haste and not always for the best reasons.

To find out whether or not this is just a phase or you really need to reevaluate your current relationship, here’s a list of five questions to help you figure out if this crush is really just all in your head:

1. Are they the only attractive person you notice?

So you noticed someone. Okay, so you have eyeballs that have good enough sight to perceive an attractive person’s visage. It’s a natural knee jerk reaction to look at people you find attractive and everyone has that habit. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about having curiosity or being human.

Also, I don’t know about you, but even when I’m single and dating around, I will meet a lot of people that I find attractive, but I won’t accept dates from all of them. It’s important to recognize that even if you are with the best possible match for you, you will still feel attraction towards other people. It’s totally normal and for those who get married, it’s less about that attraction going away and more about choosing not to act on that feeling.

2. Do you know them personally, or do you only know of them?

I know you’re probably a very smart and intuitive individual, but it’s worth repeating: Just because you’re attracted to them doesn’t mean that they would make a great partner or match for you. Keep in mind that your contact with this person is limited and even though you might have pieced together enough information to feel like you “know” them and what they would be like, you don’t truly know them.

Whether from social media or across a lecture hall, you only see the pretty curated view of someone in the public’s eye, not the reality of who they are in person. Since most of your interaction with someone in a relationship should (hopefully) be away from a camera, there’s no telling what they’re really like or if they’re interested in you as well.

Unless they are a close friend that you’ve known for a long time, there is very little reason to believe that this person will actually stack up to the image that you have in your mind. Even if they are your friend, I give a word of caution, saying that just because you know who they are as your friend, doesn’t mean you know how they are in a relationship. Also, that what you expect out of a friendship can be very different than what you expect out of a relationship.

Take this with a grain of salt to know that this attraction may be largely in your head and not as aligned with the reality of your situation.

3. Do you think of them only when you're bored or need to pass the time?

Speaking of being all in your head, your interest in them may just be your brain’s coping mechanism to stimulate your mind during particularly dull moments of your life. Notice when your mind wanders to this mystery person. Does your mind truly go to them when you're particularly excited about something and want to tell someone? Or do they cross your subconscious when your professor is droning on about one of your project outlines? If it’s the latter, I’d question whether your attraction is based in how they’d fit into your life or more about you needing a pastime in the moment.

4. How happy are you in your relationship, really?

Be honest with yourself.

If you flounder about on this one and say, “Well, things could be better,” then it’s time to ask yourself what could be better. If you like your S.O. as a person but if you two haven’t been on a real date in a while or they aren’t giving you the kind of attention you crave, that’s fixable. You can talk to your partner about how you can redirect your relationship to rekindle a little bit more of that spark. If you find yourself complaining about major personality points, I’d say that this relationship may stem from a more serious compatibility issue in your relationship.

The not-so-easy part about this question is that it’s all in shades of gray. As far as my experience goes, you will never know if the person you are with is the best possible fit for you; it’s up to you to decide if they’re still the right person, even if they can never be the perfect person.

5. Do you want this to be the end of your current relationship?

There is a very distinctive difference between being shocked and feeling guilty about your interest in this other person or to feel excited and actually considering acting on it. Sometimes people feel both. At that point, it all comes down to which feeling is the primary one. If you can’t tell, it may be time to get more in touch with yourself first before continuing or pursuing a relationship. Ultimately, you’ll be happier if you can confidently say that you’re choosing to be with this person rather than saying that you’re with them out of habit or default.