You’ve found yourself in one too many arguments with your significant other, right? Do you think arguing has become your love language? Gary D. Chapman wrote the book “The 5 Love Languages” with the intention to renew and revive old relationships: “If we learn to meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we’ve ever felt.” The five love languages Chapman explains are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Since 1995, when the book was first published, I believe Chapman would include a sixth love language: arguing.
Why have arguments become the love language for so many relationships? Instead of words of affirmation, we use words of demoralization. And we have all been there. Whether it is a spousal relationship or family relationship, we have all had arguments with someone else. In some cases, it is the only way to translate our feelings and emotions to that person.
In this day and age, youthful minds are corrupted by the society around them. We have grown up to believe that drugs are recreational, intimacy is for entertainment, and relationships are polygamous. We have grown up not valuing the nature of true love.
We can blame it on society and we can blame it on our parents. The children of divorced parents use the excuse that they come from broken homes, and the children without divorced parents use the excuse that no one ever fought for their attention. Regardless of our personal situations, we have all grown up to believe that arguments make everything better.
However, this is not true, and arguing rarely makes things right. Arguing should not be your love language. We argue because we need to feel loved. We argue because we want someone to fight for us. We argue because we like to make up. In the end, whether you argue for no reason or argue for a good reason, persistent arguing is a sign of a failing relationship. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
There is hardly any right way to deal with a fueling argument. Once the fire has been lit, the flames keep burning. Speaking to each other during a fueling argument usually ends in the wrong expression of words, and ignoring each other during a fueling argument only fuels each other’s anger. The anticipation and anxiousness of knowing what happens next always keeps an argument fueled. It is the gasoline to the fire— what did he do? What did she do? What will he say? What will she say? Our thoughts are deceiving during this time.
We constantly question our significant others and ourselves because we grew up without trust, values, and morals. Our thoughts are deceptive because we are constantly overthinking. This usually leads to an argument.
We argue because we need to feel loved, and we choose to argue because we’ve been through it so many times before. Arguing fits the guidelines for what is required to be apart of “the love languages.” However, the love between two people after so many years of arguing becomes damaged and broken, thus not leading to an exciting love that is beyond anything ever felt before.
Arguing has become the sixth love language because so many relationships are expressed best through arguments. Nevertheless, this is not a good sign for you or your relationship. If arguing has become your relationship’s love language, open your relationship to a three-person relationship— you, your partner, and God. Do not let your fear or lack of trust disturb the standing foundation of your relationship. If your relationship is greater than the two of you individually, than the two of you together are greater than what can be broken. If arguing has become your love language, replace the negativity in your relationship with positivity, and watch your relationship grow and prosper.
