Sitting criss-cross on my dorm room bed, my six-foot-six friend made the twin size bed look comically disproportionate. We’ve known each other since the first week of freshman year, and there are not many boundaries between us anymore.

“He’s on your football team, is he a good guy?” I asked as I unwrapped a Hershey kiss for him. He looked down and took the candy and took a deep breath in.

“He did that thing you hate,” he mumbled with his mouth full. I squinted knowing there are a medley of things men do that I do not like. “He asked this freshman out and she said no. And when she said no he called her a bitch… right to her face.”

“Well, that’s that, I guess…” I said with an eye roll and a defeated body drop into his shoulder.

That was the moment I decided I would not go out with him again. I do not go out with men who do a 180 when a girl doesn’t fall at their feet. I think of the times guys have bought me drinks at the bar and when I politely say, “Thanks, but no thanks,” and they decide I’m an ugly, fat disappointment. Like, was I ugly when you bought me the drink or did I just magically turn hideous when I rejected you? Hmmm.

I think the best thing you can do when you first meet a man is get him mad. Get him angry. Reject him. Tell him you only want to be friends; tell him you’re too busy with school right now to entertain him; tell him you don’t like him; tell him you would rather spend time with your friends than him. Lead him on, answer his texts and be polite, flirt with him, don’t act on it. Then watch him. Watch how he reacts when you reject his advances -- this says more than he ever will. Get him worked up and wanting. See if he respects your words and notions, see if he calls you a tease or a bitch. See how he handles rejection from a woman. See how he handles rejection.

I’m really sick of being shamed into entertaining men’s advances. I’m so sick of having to swallow my pride and smile when a man I’m wildly disinterested in won’t leave me alone. I’m sick of getting that “Oh, OK whatever then,” text when we don’t have mutual feelings. I’m tired of feeling guilty for being honest with myself.

Feeling upset when you put yourself out there is normal -- feeling angry and hateful and spewing that onto a person is not normal. Re-sending texts and calling her slurs when she is not interested in you is not normal. And I want girls to stop thinking this is normal. I don’t want girls to be scared of turning men down because all of a sudden he’s going to call her a sl*t. I want to stop just accepting this. I’m not a bad person for not being interested in you. I am not a bad person for wanting to focus on my writing and my classes and my friends. I want respect for me and my sisters. That is what it comes down to --respect. Respect my words and my rejection the same way I would a man’s.

So when you think you know him, get him mad. Tell him no when he expects you to say yes. Tell him you have plans on Friday night with people he doesn’t know so you won’t be seeing him. See what he does when you stand your ground and don’t apologize. Stop apologizing for not doing what he wants you to do. Just stop apologizing in general. Stop bullying yourself into doing things you don’t want to do in fear of some masculine backlash. Stop saying yes for the soul purpose of the fear of the word no.