I think regret is kind of a funny emotion because its like you let this one thing consume you. You ponder on it and think what it could’ve been like if you had just done something differently. I think regret is a unique kind of feeling that is mixed with sadness and frustration. It's many things at once.
I don’t think I could lived 20 years without I regretting something in my life. I regret not trying harder in high school and I wish I had spoken my mind a bit more in class. I wish I had answered more questions in class. I regret being so shy all the time and recently, I realized that I regret not telling someone how I felt about them.
I feel a certain distaste for knowing that maybe today would be different had I just said something to you, but I didn’t because I was too afraid. I know it doesn’t matter to you now, but it’s been eating me alive lately. And it shouldn’t be because it was years and years ago. I let my chance pass me by unknowingly.
Of course I will constantly blame myself for never speaking up. I just keep thinking about how nice you were and how I was so unsure of myself that I just pretended you were like that to everyone. Because how could someone like you even like me? I was such an awkward person back then and I wasn’t like everyone else. I pretty much just thought no one like you would have feelings for someone who was me. I had felt that wasn’t pretty and I was so insecure about many things. I wasn’t the typical beauty, but somehow I caught your eye? Young Abby was just---I'm sorry I know I should be proud of myself, but honestly aren't we all embarrassed sometimes by how we were when we were younger?
I didn’t feel like I could even fit into being something to you because I wasn’t what you normally wanted. I wasn’t cool or popular. I was really uncool and had a few very amazing friends, but I just wish I could change how things happened. You were great and kind of became a jerk for a bit there, now you seem great again.
Maybe I’m over thinking this too much, but I really wish I had just told you how I felt instead of hiding and pushing it all away. I feel like this could be kind of a petty thing to regret not telling your crush your feelings, but honestly it’s a chance missed because of fear. I think something that’s more important than telling someone how you feel is to not let fear and self-doubt take over. Though that’s easier said than done.
Take a chance don’t sit there years later wondering why you never said anything or feeling awful over the fact that you never said anything. You should always speak about your feelings no matter what they are and I hope you don’t act like me. Don’t let self-doubt talk you out of expressing yourself; it’s okay to screw up, besides you will never know if you don’t try. I really wish I had tried. I let fear get the best of me and ran away because self-doubt consumed me.
